The Dancer

15

Thank you for the amazing new cover for this book ❤️❤️❤️ @Strifeex

Nicolae and I sat in silence as we waited for the ultrasound technician. I forced my irritation down because I didn't want to be mad at Nicolae. Not when we were about to actually see the baby. I was already terrified. I didn't need to be pissed off on top of that.

A doctor and a tech came into the room wheeling a giant machine. I wasn't sure what it was about seeing the machine that made me more nervous. Maybe it was the fact that they were going to confirm the pregnancy. Confirming made it real. In the back of my mind, I really was nervous about miscarrying. I wasn't sure why it was such a fear of mine, but it was.

"I'm Doctor Smith and I'll be performing your ultrasound today," the middle-aged man smiled. "I'll warn you. Being this early in your pregnancy, there's a chance we won't be able to pick up a heartbeat which is completely normal."

I nodded, completely unable to use my words. I was terrified of seeing a baby. My baby.

"Go ahead and lay back for me," he said as he switched on the monitor. "Normally we would do a vaginal ultrasound this early, but our machine is out of commission."

I didn't even know that was a thing. All the movies ever showed were a happy couple fawning over a monitor. Instead, the room was heavy and my secretive fiancé sat silently next to me.

The doctor spread gel on my stomach and pressed the wand down. He watched the monitor as he moved the wand around. He worked to keep his face neutral, but I saw a flicker of something cross his eyes.

"How far along did you say you were?" He asked.

"Uh, I'm not really sure. I mean, the most it would be is five or six weeks."

He grunted a response and continued his search.

He let out a sigh and turned the screen towards us.

"You see that right there?" He asked as he pointed to a small circle. "You have what is called a blighted ovum. It's where a fertilized egg implants where it should, but for some reason doesn't continue to grow."

I didn't understand. So I wasn't pregnant?

"It's a common cause for miscarriage. I'm very sorry."

"So, I'm not pregnant?" I asked carefully.

"Well, no. Not anymore. We have a couple options. We can either try to let your body pass the tissue naturally or we can do a D&C."

I shook my head. "I don't want that done."

"Okay," the doctor said softly. "When you two get home, set up an appointment with your OB. Let them know what happened and in a couple cycles you can usually try again."

I nodded numbly. I never wanted to be pregnant, but somehow the loss of what I thought I had was a swift kick in the gut.

"I don't understand. Are you sure? I've had all the symptoms."

"Your body is still producing pregnancy hormones because it still thinks your pregnant. Your levels will go back to normal in a few weeks."

I stayed silent at his explanation. My stomach sank at the realization I wasn't having a baby.

"I'll send a nurse in with discharge paperwork."

With that, he left us alone.

My eyes fell to Nicolae who wasn't paying attention to me at all. I couldn't imagine what was going through his mind. I hated to admit that part of me was a little relieved. I felt like the worst person in the world for being relieved when he was so clearly upset. I knew it was something he wanted and welcomed with open arms. And maybe someday I would want and welcome a pregnancy too, but I wasn't ready.