stained (phan) || book #1

six

w// sexual thoughts, nudity

P H I L ' S   P O V

"Death sucks," Dan frowned.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

He looked down at his sneakers, his feet dangling as we sat on the bridge railing.

"I don't know, just thinking. I mean death, it's selfish and impatient. It doesn't care who it'll hurt, it just does whatever it wants when it wants. And it doesn't give anything back once it takes something. Even if it's just something as small as a flower or as big as an elephant, it takes any thing- no matter the size or the situation. Even if that person was amazing, and was absolutely terrific, and-" Dan cut himself off, his eyes watering. "-and was the reason someone else hadn't died yet."

I reached out to rub his back but restrained, putting my hands back in my lap. "For someone who's so quiet, your head sure talks a lot."

Dan shrugged, running a hand through his hair. "The quietist people have the loudest thoughts."

I smiled sadly. "You can say that again," I chuckled and hopped off the railing onto the sidewalk, reaching my hand out to help him down. He cautiously turned but his foot slipped, and without warning Dan was falling off the bridge.

"Dan!" I shouted, trying to grab him. His fall was too fast though, and he crashed into the water. It was deep, the river rushing quickly.

I bit my lip, looking around for a shortcut to get to him. I found one, running as fast as I could to the right. I then sped down the hill, kicking off my shoes and throwing off my shirt before jumping in after him.

There was no sign of him. "Dan!" I called again, frantically looking around for him. "Dan?"

"I'm a swimmer, you think I couldn't handle that?" I heard. I spun around to see Dan coughing up water, sitting on the ground. "You should've seen the look on your face."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Oh sorry, it's not like I had water clogging my throat or anything," he teased, untangling his hair.

"I thought you were gone," I growled, masking sadness with anger. Don't you dare let him see you cry, you're gonna kill him not be his friend.

"My flower crown fell off," Dan pouted after a minute of silence. I couldn't help but giggle. "That was terrifying. For once I was scared of the water."

"Come on, you're covered in mud. Let's get you cleaned up."

He nodded and shakily rose to his feet, and without warning his hand grabbed onto my sweater sleeve. "Sorry, when I feel anxious I just like to hold onto people."

Anxiety. That could be another reason why he's in support group, I thought. "Do you wanna hold my hand?"

Dan looked up at me with shock, before slowly obliging. "Okay." We intertwined pinkies and walked to my house. My parents were gone so we easily headed upstairs, and I looked at him once we were in the bathroom.

"Can you shower by yourself, or are you in pain?"

"I just feel like I might have a panic attack if you leave me alone. . . I know I'm a swimmer but I can't tell you that I wasn't afraid of drowning at that moment. Could you stay in here?" He asked shyly. I hesitated before nodding once.

"Yeah, of course. Do you, uh, need. . . help, I guess?"

Dan nodded shyly and lifted his arms up as I slid his sweater off, ignoring how nice his swimmer's body was.

He then stepped out of his pants, holding onto my shoulders for support. I turned away as he stepped out of his underwear, climbing into the bathtub.

I heard water swooshing and turned to see Daniel looking like a small child, his lips pursed and his hair curling. Bubbles covered everything except his chest and up. Once I sat down in front of the tub, I grabbed soap and shampoo, handing it to him.

"Look away for a sec? I haven't even kissed a boy so the fact that I'm naked underneath is bubbles with another dude is the gayest thing I've ever done."

I nodded, chuckling slightly and turning away until he was done.

Dan cleared his throat moments later I moved back to him, sticking my tongue out to the side of my mouth, gathering up bubbles from the bubble bath and smearing it on his nose. He gasped and chucked bubbles at me, and I fell backwards, laughing.

I combed through his hair with conditioner, catching him instinctively leaning into my touch. He shut his eyes, a tired smile plastered on his lips.

I could drown him, I thought. I could just shove his head underwater and hold it there, and Wirrow and Bryony would finally be pleased with me. I could kill him. Right now, at this exact moment, I had his life in my hands. I could wrap my fingers around his throat and choke him, or slam his head on the side of the bathtub-

"You're good at that," Dan murmured, interrupting my horrible imagination. I found myself smiling in response.

"Thanks?" I responded, the reply sounding more like a question than an answer.

Once he was clean I helped him out, again averting my gaze to only his eyes as I helped him stand up. I drained the water and wrapped him in a towel, throwing his dirty clothes in the washer and letting him borrow some of mine.

He put on my plain black sweater and shredded jeans, then looked at my hair. "Phil?"

"Huh?" I asked. He grinned at me.

"Could you take me to get a piercing?"