stained (phan) || book #1

seventeen

fanart by @xXLolCookieXx

P H I L ' S  P O V

"Morning." I smiled at Dan, kissing his forehead.

"How'd you sleep?"

I yawned. "Great, you?"

"Fantastic," he giggled, running a hand through his hair as he pushed the covers off of him. He stood up and stripped, and I watched as his butt swayed with every step, smiling to myself. "I can feel you staring, perv."

I averted my eyes, chuckling. Dan slipped his boxers on, taking my jacket off the rack and putting it on to cover himself.

My eyes widened. Not that jacket. Please, not that one.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He furrowed his eyebrows, shoving his hands into the pockets before pausing. "What's this?" I sat up as he slid out the picture.

The Polaroid picture of him. The photograph Mason had given me before we killed him.

I walked over quickly, taking it from him.

"Why do you have this photograph?" He asked, his voice shaky. "Only Mason had it. . . D-did he give this to you?"

"Not necessarily-"

Without warning, Dan stomped forward and grabbed me by the hem of my shirt, shaking furiously. "Tell me the truth!" He shouted, tears streaming down his face and fear in eyes. "He took that picture of me! He had it the night he died! You know something, Phil! You know what happened to him, don't you? Don't you?"

"Put me down," I spoke. He didn't budge. "Dan, put me down."

He seemed to snap out of a daze, looking down and dropping me, his fists clenched at his sides.

"Tell me the truth, Phil." 

His body trembled as did mine, our eyes locked. I glared.

"I was desperate to have friends, Dan. I was alone, and I was desperate, and I met people who were anything but good. But I didn't care, I just wanted company. Then came the influence," I explained slowly, gesturing at my tattoos and piercings. "And after awhile, it got so bad that I couldn't get out. I had to do what I had to do to stay alive."

"What did you have to do, Phil?" He whispered, voice raspy from holding back tears.

"I. . . He. . ." I tried, but I gave up. "I killed him, Dan."

"No-"

"I murder people because that's my job," I breathed out, feeling tears run down my cheeks. "That's my way of getting by. I chase them down and take their lives because that's what they tell me to do. I'm stuck and I can't get out, I can't because if I try then bad things will happen. But God I hate what I do, I hate them- I'm terrified. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"No. But at least you're not lying."

I thought, he couldn't be serious. He was being sarcastic.

He turned away from me, seeming like he was leaving, before suddenly he walked right up to me and his fist connected with my face. I hit the floor with a thud, groaning in pain as I held my cheek. "Shit."