His Eyes (Complete Malum Fanic)

Twenty one

[Michael's P.O.V.]

I was in my room all day. I didn't want to look at Calum or even be in the same room as him.

Luke came in and talked to me about the break up.

"Hey, how are you doing?" He asks sitting on my bed.

"Alright, I guess." I mumble.

"Ashton told me Calum was going to stay in his room."

"Good for him."

"Michael." He glares at me.

I sniffle thinking about the Tweet and what Calum's done.

"Please don't cry. We have a concert tomorrow and-" He trails off.

"It's a concert Luke. I'm not going to cry, I'm going to try not to." I explain.

I'm always happy at concerts. Seeing the fans freak out because they got to see their favorite band is awesome. Even if they don't like us as much as One Direction it's still nice.

Luke gives me a sad smile. "Uh, are you sure you're not hungry?" He asks.

"Yeah. I'm sure."

He looks at me to make sure I'm not lying then gets up and leaves. He knows I have a history of starving myself but he doesn't know I also used to be bulimic.

Only Calum knows that.

I wasn't starving myself because of the break up, I just seriously wasn't hungry. They probably think I'm lying but I'm not.

I decided to get up. I was greeted by Luke and Ashton sitting on the couch.

"Are you going to-" Ashton starts but I cut him off.

"Watch me." I was holding up a burrito. I took a bite in front of them then sat down. They smiled and sighed in relief.

I ate it and went back to my room. I felt disgusted. I was looking at that stupid mirror again.

"Do you have to work out, Michael Clifford?" I asked myself looking at myself without a shirt on. Everyone works out so I guess I have to?
I've always compared myself to the rest of the boys. That's normal, right?

Calum was seriously always fit. His tone body and his sorta abs were just perfect. Luke was the kind to eat a lot but gain nothing.

Ashton plays drums so it's common sense he has to stay fit. Plus, playing the drums gives you cool biceps.

Here I am looking at my pale body disgusted at what I see. I didn't classify as fit, just average. Maybe on the edge to becoming chubby.

I go to the bathroom and stare at the toilet. I shiver remembering what I've done to myself in the past.

My parents never knew about it. The boys, except Calum, didn't know about it. The fans definitely didn't know about it.

I kneel down and hold up two fingers. I shove them in my mouth causing me to throw up.

I force myself to keep going until I can't. When I'm done I flush and shed a tear.

I've never promised myself I wouldn't do it again but I felt like I broke a promise. I cried for a couple minutes then I layed in bed hoping to fall asleep.