THRUST

Chapter Eleven

BELLA POV

On the walk back to my house from Jess's, I think back to leaving The Clubhouse last night. When I left, there was still no sign of Briggs.

Now that Jess says Briggs didn't come home last night, it makes me wonder if he's taken. Did he sleep at his girlfriend's place last night? Maybe he feels guilty about us talking like we did and that's why he won't even look at me. Even if he is taken, it changes absolutely nothing on my end.

With the combination of alcohol, Jake's seduction and my infatuation with him, everything got all switched up at the last minute. I had planned to see Briggs again, not Jake... and even though I'm glad that I did see Jake, I still want to see what Briggs is all about.

I don't regret what I've done with Jake by any means, I mean, I plan to live in the moment and be in the moment as much as possible now that Charlie is gone.

Life is so short, too short, to not be reckless. Life is too precious to waste one single second saying no to your wants, desires or needs. I vowed a few weeks ago that I wouldn't say no anymore. I won't be that girl anymore. I refuse to live by a set of rules placed by a society that doesn't even know me. Who's to say what's right and what's wrong? What's wrong for one, might be right for another and so on. We aren't a blanket people, I refuse to conform to a blanket set of guidelines.

I will live how I choose... to my liking and fuck if I'll feel any kind of anything I don't want to feel.

I just wish I could turn the sadness off when it creeps in. That ten minutes of numb I felt last night was heaven. The sex quieted all of it. Took me away. It didn't diminish it, but it sure did put a buffer on the pain. And I already crave that feeling again.

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When the sun goes down, Alice calls me. She's back at The Clubhouse, helping the boys out and when she puts Jake on the phone, I stutter.

"Did you forget something last night?" His voice is deep and smooth.

I recognize him immediately and my tummy flips. I love the sound of his voice over the phone. A voice so similar to Josh Hartnett, that he could pass as a voiceover. Smooth, buttery tones.

I slide down into the sofa and smile.

"H... Hey." I hope he can hear my smile through the phone.

"You got outta here so quick last night that I didn't even get your number."

"Yeah... last night." I say timidly, remembering his mouth on me.

"What're you doing right now?"

"I'm just watching tv, hanging out... keeping it low key." I pull a loose thread on my jeans free, still grinning ear to ear.

"Last night shouldn't have ended. Come see me."

He's so forward. Right to the point. I'm not used to it. But I like it, it feels good to be wanted.

"I don't know. I'm pretty busy," I tease in a sing song voice.

"Alice will tell me where you live, so either you get your pretty ass back up here, or I'll be there within twenty minutes."

"Easy. Easy... okay," I laugh lightly, "I'll be there soon."

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Operation get-a-boyfriend-to-make-Edward-jealous got off to a quick start.

While I'm happy about it all, something deep down whispers that I'm jumping into something I'm not quite ready for. But again, living in the moment and all.