Do I Still Love Her? (Lesbian Story)

Chapter Seven

Willa's P.o.v.

I spent the rest of the day after the confrontation with Alice just crying over what a mess I've made and napping. The next day I went and told Grace about what happened. I asked for her advice- any advice at all- and all she said was that it was all up to me and also 'it will come to you eventually'. What the hell, Grace?

I went to classes today and the whole time I just thought about everything. I totally missed Mr. Elmens notes on how to get a good grade on the next test. That's gonna come back and haunt me. I couldn't focus though! My mind kept going back to seeing Alice again after so long, finding out about her depression, kissing her, her rejecting me and my still having a girlfriend during all this, then her talk a couple days ago. She said she still loves me. She still loves me. But she is with that Jamie girl and I'm with Madison. I make it out like I don't love Madison but I do! And that's part of the damn problem. I love Madison and I've cheated on her and told my ex that I still love her as well. I'm an awful human being. Madison has been nothing but a perfect, innocent girlfriend and I'm just horrible.

I was walking back to my dorm when I bumped into someone. "Sorry-- Alice."

She looked up and her face dropped. Although it looked like she hadn't smiled in a while. Because of me most likely...

"Hi Willa."

We stared at each other for a while before I asked her, "Did you tell Jamie?"

"Yeah. Did you tell Madison? If so I might want to see about getting a new dorm room."

"No. How did... how did Jamie react? I imagine she must want to punch me in the face for kissing her girlfriend."

Alice cringed a bit at the word girlfriend. "I'm not her girlfriend. Not anymore."

"Oh. I'm sorry it's my fault you guys broke up-"

"No. Not entirely."

"Did she say why? I mean you told her that I kissed you right? You didn't want to and you made that pretty clear."

"She..." Alice shut her eyes for a moment and then opened them with a sigh. "She says she couldn't be with me because it wouldn't be right... because it isn't true love. She thought it was true love. And she truly loves me but I don't truly love her."

"Sounds like you do."

"Yeah well... I guess she sees how it is. I'm never going to be over you either." Alice looked sad then. No longer so emotionless.

"I'm sorry Alice. Really it's my fault-"

"It's not your fault I still love you. Jamie could tell and I don't blame her for breaking up with me. No one wants a girlfriend that's in love with someone else."

"You really are still in love with me?"

"Of course."

"I- this time just- can I- um. Alice, I'm asking this time, can I just..."

I moved closer and stroked her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into my hand a bit. I held my hand against her cheek and closed the distance between us. She didn't run away.

Maybe she isn't running off like before but that doesn't mean she wants you doing this. Her girlfriend just broke up with her because of you. YOU have a girlfriend. You need to stop. Oh shut up conscience.

She kissed back. SHE KISSED BACK!

We pulled away and stared at each other for a bit. It sounds kind of awkward but it wasn't. It felt like I had just been put back together with my missing puzzle piece, as cheesy as that sounds. You've still got a girlfriend that you love. Damn it leave it to your conscience to remind you of this.

"What does this make of us?" Alice asks.

"I've still got Madison. And I honestly don't know if I want to give her up." Damn right you don't. So leave Alice! It's the right thing to do. Let her move on. Well maybe, conscience, she doesn't want to. Maybe I don't want to either.

"Alright. I'll just go." Ha! See?!

"Alice wait. I don't want to give you up either."

"You're going to have to make a choice at some point. I'll stay with you and wait for your decision." Wait, what? She... she's staying. Just until I make a decision? How can I make a decision between my girlfriend or my ex-but-not-so-ex-that-I-still-have-feelings-for?

"I can't ask for you to do that though." I said even though I want her to stay. I want her to stay and for Madison to stay. I know its selfish and all but...

"You don't have to ask." Alice said. She kissed me and then took a step back. "I'm going to stay for you anyways. And I'm not going away."

"Since when?" I asked. Before she wanted me to go so she could peacefully be with Jamie. Is she over her already? Does she really love me that much?

"Since I decided so about a minutes ago. I'm not losing you again if I can help it. If you want Madison then alright. I'll go. But until then I'll be by you. I'm heading back to see Misty. See you later then, Willa."

Wait... she's going to see Misty? What.