Do I Still Love Her? (Lesbian Story)

Chapter Eight

Willa's P.o.v.

I seriously need to get my shit together. I love Alice and Madison but that doesn't mean I should get to have both. No matter who I choose I've already fucked things up. Especially since I've been with both of them for a week now. God I am an awful person. I don't deserve either girls.

I was walking around campus, thinking about if I should go with my faithful, loving girlfriend who has been innocent this whole time or my ex that won't go away and that I don't want to go away, when I spotted Grace. I need help with this situation and Grace has been my most insightful friend so far. I ran over to her and grabbed her arm, pulling her away from Kingston.

"What the-? Willa?!" She yells.

"Come on Grace! I'm taking you to my dorm." I said.

Of course she argued the whole time and complained about the fact that she was in the middle of a conversation with Kingston but she let me drag her anyways. Once we got to my dorm Grace stood there with her arms crossed and glared at me.

"What?" She asked.

"I need your help."

"You could have simply asked. Instead of dragging me all the damn way-"

"I'm seeing Alice." I cut in.

"Your what? Seeing Alice? What the fuck Willa?! I thought you were dating Madison?!" Her glare turned into a mix of confusion and anger.

"I am."

Grace stared at me with her jaw dropped before saying, "Your cheating on her?! With Alice?!"

"Yes." I said timidly. Maybe I shouldn't have told Grace... She looks like she's going to be really pissed at me.

She sighed and held her hands to her face. "What did you get yourself into..." She dropped her hands and looked up at me. "Explain."

"Okay well... when Alice came back I talked with her and things got bad and then I kissed her. That was our first meeting after seeing her at lunch."

"And how did that lead to you seeing her?"

"Well, it didn't right away. She cried and yelled at me and ran away. But when I saw her the next time she told me that Jamie broke up with her, I apologized," I knew I was really rushing but I couldn't help it, "she said she was still in love with me, I kissed her again, she kissed back, I told her I still loved Madison though, she said that it was fine and that until I chose one of us I could have both. That was a week ago."

"So you've been seeing them both for a week now?! Willa! That is not okay! You know I don't allow cheating!" Grace looked just about ready to slap me and walk out of here. I really hope she doesn't. In the end of this I'm going to end up losing someone and I don't want Grace to leave too.

"I know! I know. But I can't stop I just... I love them both. How can I choose one over the other?"

"You are an idiot, you know that? You can't just fucking cheat on them you know? Madison is completely blind here and Alice is probably having her heart broken every time that you're around Madison." I didn't think about how much this was probably hurting Alice. I'm so selfish! I've been too worried about who I should have my happily ever after with that I wasn't thinking about how bad it was -and is- hurting people.

"I know! What do I do then Grace? Huh? What should I do?!"

I could tell you a million things that you could do but you wouldn't go with any of them. You couldn't. If i told you to never see Alice again you would still see here but not tell me you were. If I told you to break up with Madison you wouldn't be able to."

"Damn your always being right."

"It's a blessing and a curse. Which is a lot like your situation. A blessing to have both girls you love but a curse for you to not truly have either. And they can't have you."

"You aren't helping me at all. I should tell Madison what's going on... I really should."

"Yeah, probably." Grace seemed less mad now and just genuinely disappointed in me. I never want to see her look this way at me again. Regardless though...

"Oh but I don't want to... I need to sleep on this."

"Sleeping for years wouldn't help. You've got to make up your mind and until then don't come crying to me."

Grace turned on her heels and headed for the door. After the door clicked shut I fell down onto my bed. I looked up at the ceiling and could already feel myself about to cry. I'm such a horrible person. I'm hurting the people I love by not saying who I truly love. I should just leave them both. I should move away from everyone and never see them again. I bet they'd be a lot happier if I did that. There would be less drama, less hatred, less tears. My friends are too good for me, me girlfriend is too good for me, my lover is too good for me, I just deserve to be treated like shit. I am all those horrible words that got thrown at me throughout high school and a thousand times more.

I know there are only a few things that could help me feel better right now, and none of them will end up being very good. I know this... I know this! And yet I get up and go to clean myself up. I put on makeup and my leather jacket and head out. It's still pretty early considered how late I've gone out before (it's only five pm now). I end up walking all the way to the bar and it takes a good half hour.

My night was then filled with raging drunkards, slutty people, and more and more alcohol.