Red Vs Blue Book of One-Shots

I'm gonna buy you a drink

http://literallyepsilon.tumblr.com/post/129632692030/angryai-why-did-i-do-this-im-sobbing-the-song

(Fun Tumblr MMD Lolix thingies)

Locus knew Felix's little secret that he would be killed if he talked about it.

It wasn't blackmail, since Locus would never actually use it against him, but it was freaking hilarious to know.

Felix was a lightweight.

When they first went to a bar together, Felix got wasted. Cursing, swaying, slurred speak, the whole nine yards.

Locus found if extremely amusing, but Felix, of course, did not. After a couple bar trips, Locus got used to dragging the garbage home, giggling and barely able to hold himself up.

Felix was, without a doubt, a happy-go-lucky drunk.

The sober man had finally gotten the intoxicated one out of the car, and the two made way to Felix's door. As he rambled about how he liked knives, and he really likes knives, Locus fished out the key from under the welcome mat and unlocked the front door.

Felix starred in awe, and gasped in shock, saying "Look! It's Narnia! I can see everything!"

The other sighed and hoisted Felix up again.

"You're drunk, not on LSD, now c'mon, lets get you inside."

~~~~~

Locus had finally gotten the abomination to go to bed. He acted like a literal child, stomping his feet and yelling curse words that made no sense in and out of context.

"I don't... I don't wanna sleep. Sleep is for losers. And losers."

Locus ignored his pleas, grabbing his arm and pulling him down onto the bed. Felix had the classic pouty-lip, using big eyes and everything.

It didn't work.

Felix fell asleep within minutes of laying there, which left Locus to try and figure out how the hell he was going to get home. He drove to the bar using Felix's car, and he doubted that he would let him borrow the car until tomorrow.

Locus sighed as he plopped down on the couch in Felix's apartment, preparing for a sore back in the morning.

~~~~~

"What the fuck?" Someone mumbled, and Locus felt a slap across his face. He sat up instantly, glaring to see who dared to awake him from slumber.

Felix was in a messy robe, with water and what looked like aspirin in the other hand. He glanced at Locus for a minute, before bursting out in laughter and pointing.

"You slept here overnight?! Ha! What a loser!"

"I didn't have a car, Felix!"

"Man... This must be your first adult sleepover-"

Locus cut off the annoying idiot with a pillow to the face. In response, Felix shrieked like a little girl.

"N-Not the face! Not the face!"

"Please, your face needs to be put out of its misery."

Felix gasped, about to throw a pillow back before he sighed and plopped down next to Locus on the college-affordable couch.

"Okay. That was a good comeback. I'll surrender to that."

Locus highfived himself, and then patted his hands around to look for the remote.

"Where the hell did you hide it?"

"Uhh, check the cushions. That's usually where all my important things like to hide."

Locus looked up to glare at Felix, then stood up and walked to the kitchen.

While Felix mumbled and started to search for the precious device, Locus had began to make coffee, slowly starting to officially wake up.

~~~~~

"I fucking love this show." Felix muttered in amazement.

"Watch your fucking language. And yes, I too approve it."

"Shut up you dick. I do what I fucking want... But this show is amazing."

"My favorite character is Lassiter, but the rest are all replaceable."

"Whoa. Dude. Gus? Hello, that guy right there is the star of this show."

"This is a fictional show, Felix. Do not get attached."

"... I do what I want. Psych is now my favorite show."

Locus sighed in disappointment, but instantly shut up when Lassiter slapped the back of Shawn's head.

Just then the episode had ended, and Felix reached for the remote.

Locus did as well.

Call it cheap writing and dying motivation to write over 750 words per chapter, but their hands accidentally intertwined as the reached for it.

It seemed like minutes when it was truly second while they did so, but they both came to their senses and dropped it, awkwardly glancing away and pretending it never happened.

Locus ignored everything, and claimed back the device and hit 'Next episode'.

"Uh, sorry about that..." He said while clearing his throat, trying not to make things weirder.

"U-Um, me-... You know what? Fuck it."

Locus turned around to question his words, but instead was met with Felix's lips on his.

As if this day could carry anymore unresolved tension.

Felix pulled back, about to most likely apologize when Locus curated out with laughter.

"You..." He gasped between giggles, "Are a horrible kisser."

Felix's face turned an array of anger.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean? I'm a great kisser!"

"Trust me, I've had better."

"Ouch. Okay then, fine, sorry for being a failure. Bitch."

Locus shook his head, and did the classic Psych-Lassiter slap on the back of his friend's skull.

"Just shut up and watch the episode. I want to finish it."

"Why?" Felix whinned.

"So I can show you how to kiss, you piece of shit."