here {styles}

away

Tuesday, 22 September, 02:27                                                                                                                                              Haz: I know you told me to leave you alone, and I will, I will respect that you need time to think. at the end of the day you have to do what's best for yourself and I will allow you to decide what that is without being a giant pain in the arse. but just know that I love you infinitely and I'm going to do everything in my power to make it work if you'll still have me. I'm going to change, I swear on fucking everything, love. you're my world. be good to yourself. -xxx

Wednesday, 7 October, 14:51                                                                                                                                              Haz: thinking about you always. missing you hugely.

Sunday, 18 October, 11:32                                                                                                                                                    Haz: it's my favorite month of the entire year, and all I want to do is spend it with you. my favorite girl and my favorite season. I miss going to the pumpkin patch, the haunted houses, taking long walks through the woods in Cheshire, watching the leaves change colors, sitting on our balcony while it's raining, writing you songs and making you smile. god I miss your smile. this is so hard. I know I don't deserve it, but I would do anything to get another chance. I need you.

Every single day, I type up a message to Harry; a message describing in excruciating detail how much and in how many ways I miss him. It is tearing me apart to be away from him. The internal war I'm battling has been so emotionally taxing. Missing someone this much and not being able to physically or mentally endure life without them is miserable, so I've decided to do everything in my power to make things work with Harry.

Tuesday, 20 October, 07:09                                                                                                                                                           To Haz: Please come back to me, I need you.

Our relationship is messy and sometimes ugly. But it's so worth it.

...

Harry walks into the diner a few minutes after I've arrived and gotten comfortable in our booth. The second he passes through the doorway, his feet bring him straight in my direction, and within seconds he's standing at the head of the table. I can't breathe. He's more beautiful than he's ever been, more of a man, more perfect. It's like the first time I saw him all over again, and every time after. He never ceases to astound me with his beauty- inner and outer.

I swallow the lump that's rising in my throat and smile a relieved, content smile, "Hi."

Harry's brightest smile spreads across his face, "Hi, Sunshine." His large hands reach across the table and grasp mine as he maneuvers into the seat opposite me, "How are you?"

Being the sensitive, too-in-love-for-my-own-good self, I immediately begin to cry. Harry's touching me, he is physically with me for the first time in a month, and I can't suppress my emotions any longer. I shed tears for so many reasons, good and bad, and it's almost too much.

Thankfully, I am able to compose myself quickly, smiling sheepishly at Harry, who squeezes my hand reassuringly. "I'm so much better now," I reply, a sigh of satisfaction falling from my lips.

"We have some things to figure out and I am so thrilled you're giving me this opportunity. I want you to know how genuinely appreciative I am," Harry says sweetly.

"God, I love you," I admit, not able to hold back my true feelings in this moment.

Our usual waitress comes over just then, "My salts, I've missed you immensely. What would you like today?" Her pen hovers over her notepad, bright eyes moving between Harry and me.

"Actually, Susan, I think our plans have changed," I say, my gaze locking with Harry's.

He catches on and scoots out of the booth, giving her a tight squeeze, "Yes, we're so sorry Sue, we'll come see you soon, yeah?" Harry comes to my side of the booth and yanks me to my feet as she watches on with a knowing smile.

"Alright, you two. Behave," she swats at us playfully with her notepad as we run by. The last thing I want to do with Harry right now though, is behave.

My curly-haired lover pulls me through the door to the diner and out onto the sidewalk. We round the corner into the quiet ally where we're halted in our tracks by a loud crack of thunder. My eyes cast upward as the sky above us opens. The dark clouds roll immaculately in all foreseeable directions. Within seconds, I'm soaked to the bone as cold rain and wind whip around me in the air.

Automatically, my lips pull back in a genuine smile. I love autumn, I love rain, I love life. And I love Harry. I turn to him then, noticing that his gaze is fixed on me. His intense stare softens and he's smiling too, and then we're laughing, falling into each other, hair dripping in our faces. A bloody mess, we are. But god are we in love.

My arms slip into Harry's coat, fingers clinging to the flannel hanging loosely around his torso. I burrow my face beneath his many layers, nose pressed flat against his sternum. Our laughter dies down and I pull his body tighter to mine as his hands move my hair out of my face. I look up, directly into the vibrant green of his eyes. Directly into my home.

Neither of us hesitates in connecting our mouths for a warm, passionate kiss. And neither one of us wants to end it. Harry advances, pushing my back against the hard, unforgiving brick of the wall behind me. His hands slide beneath my shirt then, and a chill races up my spine. My senses are on fire and I let out a soft moan that echoes in the misty air of the ally.

After nipping at my bottom lip, Harry detaches his lips from mine and his hands from my hips. Our noses are pressed together as we breathe in this moment, focused on nothing but us.

The door on the opposite side of the ally is thrown open, causing Harry and I to jump. An older gentleman whistles as he approaches the dumpsters directly across from us, carrying a bag of trash in each hand. He stops in his tracks when he notices us pressed up against the brick, hair disheveled and breathing heavily.

For a second he just stares at us before tossing the bags in the bin and turning around, returning to his  shop without a word. As soon as the door is sealed, I erupt in a fit of giggles, laughing into the soaked fabric of Harry's coat. I feel his smile against my temple as he chuckles quietly into my hair.

"Let's go home, love, before one of us catches a cold or gets arrested," Harry proclaims, swallowing my tiny hand within his and pulling me back onto the street. After waiting for a car to pass, we sprint across the road and collapse into Harry's Range Rover, water dripping all over the leather interior.

Harry shoves the key in the ignition and brings it to life, preparing to pull away from the curb when I reach over and touch his arm, "Wait, what about my car?"

"It'll be safe until the storm passes, I think we should go get you dry and warm, what do you say?" His eyes are so bright, his whole face emitting nothing but pure happiness, and I wouldn't be surprised if mine was the same. His fingers lace with mine as he moves our hands to his leg, letting them rest there.

"Yes please," I chirp, fastening my seatbelt without releasing Harry's hand. He gives me a smile that can only be described as angelic in nature.

We have a long, tough road ahead of us, but if he keeps smiling at me like I'm the sun, we'll be alright.