Blackbirds

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

​"You're doing great Mike, honestly. You're hitting so well," Chester said with a smile. They'd been going to the batting cages for the past two days and working on hitting again. Mike found that the bat did rattle his hand a little bit but with a batting glove on, it would be ok.

​Mike smiled at Chester, "I never could've done it without you. I thought that I was done for. I thought it was all over."

​Chester looked down with an embarrassed smile, "Nah you would've gotten back to it."

​"No...Ches, I was ready to give up. You gave me hope," Mike said softly. Chester shrugged as they walked out of the batting cages. Mike knew that if he came down and hit for a half hour to an hour every day, he'd be pretty good by the time the championship came around. Now if only things would work for Chester too. He watched the thin man walking ahead of him. He was so sick and hurt. Mike wanted to help him. He wanted to make him feel better. When they got home, they sat out in the backyard in the grass. Chester was laying on his back with his eyes closed, trying to control his rapid and heavy breathing from the lack of drugs. Mike sat up next to him. It was quiet and then Chester was sighing softly.

​"I don't feel very good," he said. Mike gave his friend a small smile. He looked so sweet, laying there in the grass with a slightly pained look in his eyes.

​"I know Ches. I know it hurts," Mike said as he scooted over next to him. Chester sat up and leaned against the tree they were sitting under. Mike smiled at him again. He was just so sweet.

​"Mike.....do you remember....back in school....we were at that playground and you said that you.....and then....," Chester trailed off. Mike did remember. He remembered exactly what Chester was talking about.

​"Chester," Mike started. Chester glanced up at him as he sat there. His arms shook a little. Mike raised his hand to the side of Chester's face. "I love you."

​"Seriously?"

​"I can't help it Ches...you're just so perfect."

​"Mike....I just....I don't know."

​"I know. I understand. But it wouldn't be fair to keep something like that from you."

​"Ok. I'm sorry Mike....I just....I don't know how to feel right now."

​"It's fine. I just thought you should know."

​He didn't know why he was doing things like this. But he leaned over and pressed his lips to Chester's. Chester let out a surprised squeak but he didn't pull away. And all of a sudden, he felt Chester's arms wrap around his neck. Their lips moved perfectly against each other. Mike pulled Chester into his lap and continued to kiss him.

​"I love you so goddamn much," Mike whispered as they broke away. Chester stared at him in shock.

​"I...I...," Chester was at a loss for words, "Mike...I...."

​Mike watched as Chester got up and shivered before running into the house. He knew he shouldn't have done it but he just couldn't resist it anymore. He sighed and leaned back against the tree. He'd really screwed this up but he just wanted Chester to know how he had felt. He couldn't leave him wondering. He slowly got up and headed into the house. He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Chester's door was shut but he wasn't surprised. If someone who he considered a friend had kissed him and confessed their love to him, he would freak out too. But he decided to go and check on the other man anyways.

​"Hey Ches? Can I come in?" Mike called. There was no answer. "Ches?!"

​Mike sighed and was about to turn away and head back into the kitchen or living room when he heard something.

​"He doesn't love you. It doesn't even make sense. He's just playing with your feelings because no one would ever love you."

"He told me a long time ago that he did."

"NO, he doesn't love you. He'd never love something as fucked up as you! Can't you see he's trying to wind you up and then bring you down?!"

"I trust him with my life...he wouldn't lie about something like this."

"Exactly! You trust him! Remember what happened last time you trusted someone?"
​
"Mike is different."

"He's just like him. He'll take advantage of you. He'll hurt you."

"You don't know that. You don't know that."

"Maybe I don't. But you do. You know he'll push you away as soon as he's back in baseball. He will never love you how you want him too."

"Stop. Stop talking to me! STOP!"

"Then listen! This will be all your fault when he hurts you. When he breaks you apart and leaves you to die."

"No....he won't."

"But you believe it. You know that you're worthless and all you've done is fucked up your life ever since you could. No wonder he pushed you away from the start. You're disgusting."

"No!"

There was the sound of glass shattering and then Chester was crying. Mike opened the door and ran inside. Chester was sitting on the floor in front of the shattered mirror in his room.

"Ches, what happened?" Mike asked softly. He knew Chester had been talking to himself, fighting with himself. But he didn't understand how Chester could make himself so afraid of himself. It was scary.

"I'm sorry. I was just...I don't know....I...," Chester gasped through his tears. Mike wrapped him in his arms and held onto him tightly.

"Ssshhh, just relax. You're just worked up. Just relax," Mike said soothingly. He rubbed circles in Chester's back slowly as he comforted him. Soon Chester's sobs turned into quiet whimpers and hiccups. They were loud in the otherwise silent room. Mike continued to comfort him and then he slowly helped Chester get off the floor and into bed. Mike sighed as Chester fell heavily onto the bed and shivered. He climbed in beside him and pulled a blanket over the two of them. It was quiet for a long time and Mike was pretty sure that Chester was asleep. He rolled over, facing away from the other man and closed his eyes. Two arms encircled his waist and then Chester was nuzzling his head into his back.

"I want to love you Mike. I really do. But I can't because I'm too afraid of trust. I'm too afraid that if I open up to you, you'll just break me apart."

"I won't hurt you Ches. I won't," Mike said softly. He rolled over and faced Chester who had tears in his eyes. He wanted to cry. He gently stroked Chester's cheek. "Ches, look at me."

Chester stared up at him and Mike cupped his face in his hands. He leaned forward and gently pressed their lips together.

"I will not hurt you. I will not ever use your trust against you. I will not take advantage of you because you are the love of my life," Mike whispered as he kissed him softly again. He realized that he'd become so much more comfortable with touching Chester with his mechanical hand and arm.

"Promise?" Chester whispered. Mike nodded slightly and motioned for Chester to lay next to him.

"I promise," Mike said softly. Chester scooted into his arms and laid his head on his chest. He looked down and saw Chester shifting next to him and then his arm wrapped around his waist again. It was quiet for another few minutes before Chester sighed contently and closed his eyes.

"Ok. Then Mike......please let me be with you."

Mike smiled, "Ok. I love you Ches."

"Love you too Mike."

The next morning, Mike woke up to the sun shining through the window and Chester still curled up against his chest with a smile on his face. He smiled and then gently shook Chester awake.

"Wake up Ches," he said. Chester yawned and opened his eyes.

"Morning," he replied softly.

"Are you feeling ok?"

"Yea not bad," Chester said and Mike nodded before giving him a light kiss on the forehead.

"I don't want to do anything today. I just want to spend time with you," he said softly. Chester looked up at him and Mike saw happiness shining in his eyes. He laughed softly and then kissed Chester again, feeling Chester respond to the kiss. Chester whimpered softly as Mike gently pushed his tongue into the other man's mouth. The grip that Chester had on his shoulders tightened.

"You are so perfect," Mike said as he slowly pulled away, "So beautiful."

Chester still hadn't said anything and Mike knew that this feeling of love and safety might be something new to him. Something that Chester never would've experienced before. He couldn't get enough of the man next to him. Chester was everything he had ever wanted in a person. He held Chester close to him in his arms and stroked his hair. He touched every inch of Chester. He had longed to feel the other man like this, had longed to be able to call Chester his. He gently ran his hand down Chester's back, over to his waist and hips, up his stomach, over his chest, and back to his face.

"Everything about you is beautiful," he said, kissing Chester once more. Chester snuggled next to him and smiled. Had he broken through? Had he made it into Chester's heart?

"Thank you Mike....thank you so much," Chester whispered as he hugged him tightly, "I love you."

Mike felt his smile grow. Chester was so sweet. He loved the other man so much and they'd only really been together for a night.

"I'm so happy I get to hold you like this," Mike whispered and he felt Chester nuzzle into his chest again. He felt so protective and Chester was so little and hurt. He stroked his hair slowly until Chester whimpered softly.

"Mike.....why?" he asked softly, "Why do you love me? All I did was screw up. I'm such an idiot."

"I love you because you've always been there for me. I love you because no matter what you think, you are perfect to me. I will help you get through this because I care about you."

Chester stared up into his eyes. Mike gently stroked his thumb over his cheek. It was quiet for a few minutes before Chester snuggled back up to him and sniffled softly.

"Mikey....." Chester breathed as he huddled close to him. He was so cute, Mike could barely handle it. He smiled and kissed Chester's hair softly.

"We should get up. Eat breakfast," Mike said softly. Chester gripped onto him tighter and shook his head.

"I'll throw it up," Chester whispered. Mike sighed softly and nodded.

"Ok. I'm going to eat something ok? I'll be right back."

Chester nodded but didn't let go. Mike smiled as he tried to unhook Chester's hands from his shirt but they weren't moving. Mike laughed as he struggled to get out of Chester's grip.

"Ches, let go," Mike snickered but Chester wouldn't let go of him. Eventually he managed to sit up and then he lifted Chester into his arms and carried him into the kitchen so he could get some food. He managed to make himself some toast with Chester's arms wrapped around his neck. He was so sweet. He ate quickly and found that Chester was asleep in his arms but was covered in a cold sweat. The withdrawal was coming back to hit Chester. Mike set him down on the couch and hoped that he'd be ok. It was only fifteen minutes until it started again.

Chester's eyes squeezed shut and he whimpered in his sleep before rolling over and his body began to shake. His breathing rate picked up and then he began to shake. Mike swallowed and then put his hand on Chester's shaking arm again but this time it didn't settle him down.

"Mike....Mike," Chester gasped in his sleep, "Mike.....Mikey."

"Sshh, it's ok. I'm right here Ches. I'm right here."

"Mike," Chester sobbed, "Help me Mike...Mike...please."

Mike rubbed his back gently, hoping that he could calm him down but keep him asleep. If Chester was asleep, then he wasn't in pain.

"MIKE!" Chester screamed and Mike knew he'd have to wake him up. He shook Chester awake and Chester shot up on the couch. His chest rose and fell rapidly and his shirt was soaked in sweat.

"Ssshh, sssshhhh," Mike whispered as he rubbed Chester's back. Chester was looking around frantically and he was gasping for breath.

"Mike....where are you? Mikey," Chester whimpered.

"I'm right here Ches. Right here," Mike said softly as he stroked Chester's hair softly. Chester looked up at him and screamed before running from the room. The hallucination. Mike got up but didn't run after him. He slowly walked into the room where he'd seen Chester disappear into and saw him huddled in a corner. He slowly took a step towards him and Chester pushed himself farther back.

"St-Stay away."

"Ches....I need you to listen to me. It's me. It's Mike. I won't hurt you. I will not do anything to scare you. Just let me come over."

"N-No...I can't."

"I won't hurt you. It's not your dad....it's me. It's Mike," Mike repeated softly, "You're safe. You're at your house and we were going to spend the day together remember? Ches?"

Chester sniffled again and shook his head, "Don't touch me."

"I love you Chester. I love you and I will not hurt you. You just need to trust me. I love you baby," Mike whispered. Chester looked up at him and then he slowly reached his hand out towards him.

"M-Mike....."

Mike took a step forward and grabbed his hand. He lifted Chester off the ground and pulled him into a tight hug. It was silent as Chester shook in his arms. The poor guy was having terrible dreams and hallucinations. The drugs were going to kill him and he wasn't using them anymore.

"You're ok. I promise," Mike whispered, "It'll all be ok now."

Chester just nodded and kept his grip on Mike's shirt. Mike rubbed his back and wished that the words he told Chester were actually true.