Chapter 9- Gods and Monsters

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Author's note: the song on the side I thought fit very well with this chapter. Now the best place to play it is further into the chapter. Dahlia references to a song but not by name. Play it then, you'll see what I mean. 

For those of you reading on your phone the song is Gods and Monsters by Lana Del Rey. 

Enjoy XOXO

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Adam washed my body slowly, lovingly, reminding me of so many times in the past when he would do the same. Either to soothe the physical aches he brought onto my body or building me back up from the emotional rollercoaster of our heavy play. Why he was doing it now was something I didn't think I could fully admit to myself. Was there some vulnerablity in my eyes that I didn't cover up? Was it obvious that I had been hysterically crying right before coming here? His outward treatment didn't seem any different and the look in his eyes didn't change any except the softness he seemed to be showing me everytime we stared too intiamtely into eachothers eyes. 

It made me realize how much I actually missed him. My Dom. My Master. I didn't have to think when I was with him. My first priority was him. My first thought was him and the pleasure he was going to give me. The pleasure that would come if I did what I was told and endured the punishments I deserved. But all those things caused feelings to stur within my heart and I told myself I had to walk away. 

He had been my second sexual experience, he had been my second man, and I told myself that it didn't matter but it did. He was fulfilling everything that Laurence hadn't been and I knew that it wouldn't have been hard to fall into something with Adam. But the possesive side in me didn't like the fact that I wasn't his only submissive even though I was the one in a relationship and despite everything, even with budding feelings, I still loved Laurence above everything and everyone else. 

As Adam carressed my neck with a soapy washcloth I still thought the same thing. That despite everything I still loved Laurence with so much of myself that I couldn't seem to picture my life without him. I felt guilty for feeling so betrayed when I had betrayed him so badly. And I felt so horrible for feeling so hurt when I knew if he really found out about the abundance of my deception he would be devastated.

The washcloth that was now brushing against my shoulder paused and Adam looked intently at my face. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly and I wondered if my expression gave away my thoughts as he looked away and continued to the other shoulder. He hadn't climbed in with me, much to my disappointment, so I knew that this wasn't about any play with me. It was his nuturing, his emotional build up. 

"It seems you lost yourself in your thoughts again." He murmured in that deep sultry voice of his. I stiffened ever so slightly when his free hand came up to my throat, hanging loosly from my neck. "What is it that keeps distracting you from me?" He asked and suddenly he wasn't my nurturer anymore but my Dom and his fingers squeezed delicately around my throat. I brought my hands to rest on his forearms, not wanting to answer, while enjoying the added pressure that caused a slick of cream to dampen my pussy. 

"Are you going to answer me?" He asked as he brought his face close to mine and all I wanted was to look away but not daring to break eye contact as he willed me to continue to look at him. "Who is it?" He asked and I stiffened further, my breaths barely escaping my lungs, as he searched something that I knew he wasn't going to find. I was almost afraid of what was transpiring here. 

I knew that I was partly to blame, I had never took my mind off him for one second, but I was distraught and maybe it was bad to com to him so soon after getting hurt by Laurence. Yet he never asked me about other men, never asked me if I was thinking about someone else. Of course it could be blamed for my lack of attention yet usally he would force me to take attention to him or punish me for not doing so. Him asking me was something very new to me and I didn't know what to do. 

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