See Me After Class

sweet & sour

imagine mr. styles being in the middle of a lecture when the bell rings, and he's frustrated that he was cut off, but then as everyone heads out the door, he waves goodbye and wishes everyone a good weekend

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i had taken the long way home that afternoon, not needing to be anywhere for another three hours. i wasn't sure why i had bolted out of his room. maybe it was the nerves from being alone with him, or maybe i'm just stupid. he was the closest thing i had to a friend, and i was pretty positive that he wasn't actually allowed to be my friend. i guess now it would make sense for me to explain why i didn't have any friends instead of continuing to point it out and make vague remarks about it.

back in seventh grade, my best friend and i began to get along less and less. i had known her for all of my life, and we were inseparable; emphasis on the were. at some point, we just started seeing things differently, and it seemed like she had to argue with every single thing that i said. i could say that the sky was blue and she'd have to reply with 'no, i think it's kind of purple'. she started to ignore me after a while despite my efforts to make the friendship last. i would come back to school after the weekend and i'd hear everyone talking about a bonfire she'd had, or the sleepover she invited every girl except for me to. it hurt to watch her leave me and not give a second thought about it, but i learned to just move on and hang out with our other friends more.

but, of course, she couldn't let that happen. at one of her famous sleepovers, she started several rumors about me, and when everyone came back to school on monday, i couldn't get anyone to speak to me. somehow she had even gotten guys to ignore me, leaving me alone in an entire school of people. everyone would talk about me so that i could hear them, but they wouldn't respond if i would try to defend myself. middle school finished like this. eighth grade didn't get any better, it might have even been worse.

now, i wasn't still angry with anyone, and i wasn't holding a grudge against them; i had just given up on them. i didn't need to try to build relationships with people that would never care about me. i did get defensive sometimes when people wouldn't leave me alone, but that seemed to be the only scar left from it all.

in all honesty, no one had ever made me crave the simplest form of a friendship like mr. styles did. there was something about the complexity of his personality, and the insane intelligence that he possessed. up until i met him, i had planned to get out of that town the second i could.

i'd had a savings jar since eighth grade that i put all of my cash in, and after it would fill up, i'd take it to the bank. despite the fact that my parents had plenty of money set aside for me and gave me an allowance, i had been babysitting and nannying for years so that i could leave town sooner. i'd say that about eighty percent of everything i earned went into my savings account.

the shear desperation to leave definitely stemmed from being abandoned and sent into a social siberia, but as i got older and the events of middle school became less traumatizing, i just craved adventure. that's why the city has such a strong hold on me; it's a preview of all the exploring that i could do in this world. i wanted to hike to machu picchu, or take a tour of europe by train, or swim in a coral reef in the bahamas, or go on a safari in south africa. i wanted to go to places that i couldn't even pronounce the names of. i just wanted to go everywhere i could before my time on this earth is over.

i also wanted to be a successful writer that doubled as a stay-at-home mom, so the adventuring had to happen before i settled down. the idea of having my own little family just excited me so much, and i found myself daydreaming about my future husband and kids way more than a teenage girl should have been. babysitting didn't make any of that better either.

my car was slowing as i drove down the small street that i made my way down every friday night. while most people were going to football games, i was hanging out with possibly the world's cutest little kids. the hansens had been hiring me ever since i turned thirteen, and they had only had two kids at the time.

sammy was the oldest and she was six, then barrett was next at four years old, then lastly there was sophia who was just about to turn one. mrs. hansen was unemployed so she took care of the children, and mr. hansen ran an accounting firm in the city. every friday night, they would go out in some way shape or form, then they would pay me way more than i had earned on their return. i probably would have watched the kids for free, but i wasn't going to turn down money.

as i rang the doorbell, i heard tiny feet running down the hall. suddenly, the door cracked open and sammy was peering up at me from behind the door, a huge smile across her face. she whispered something that i couldn't hear, so i kneeled next to her.

"mommy ordered some siamese food!" she said excitedly.

i laughed as i grabbed her hand and walked inside. another perk to babysitting for the hansens was the food. they always ordered something delicious for sammy and me to share, and the younger kids would eat something made for younger children. my addiction to chinese food was a little alarming, and i was trying to cut back on it, but how could i say no to sweet and sour chicken?

when i arrived in the kitchen, mr. and mrs. hansen gave me their usual spiel of rules and when to put everyone to bed and how i could help myself to anything in the kitchen. by the time they left, barrett had found his way towards us, and i could hear sophia crying upstairs in her crib. luckily, the two older kids were less energetic, so i sent them into the living room while i went to get the youngest.

the night moved slowly, and i found myself not eating any dinner because sophia wouldn't settle down. i finally got her to stop crying when i pulled out my phone to snapchat my friend, luke, back. luke was one of the people that left for college, but still kept in touch. he was probably the closest thing i'd had to a best friend before he went off to school. we barely talked anymore, except for the occasional text or snap.

when sophia saw herself reflected on the phone screen, she went silent. realizing that this could be the way to get her to calm down for the night, i moved the camera closer to her. i pointed to her on the screen, and she mimicked my movement. captivated by her own reflection, she was startled when i booped her on the nose. the most precious giggle escaped her lips, making barrett and sammy run over. suddenly, all three of them were trying to fit into the camera's shot and were booping each other on the nose.

i didn't get my phone back until they all went to bed. their parents finally came home and once again paid me generously. as i drove back home, i watched each lamp post pass by. their lights couldn't reach very far, but collectively they managed to light up an entire neighborhood. i thought about how some people went their whole lives just being one small light among a multitude. they contribute to society and everyone's everyday lives, but they never do anything significant. i didn't want to be a lamp post; i wanted to be the sun.

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a/n

this was such a filler. i'm so sorry, but i still need to build into who she is as a character/person, so these updates will occasionally happen. i swear that her and mr. styles will be getting together more.

thank you so so much to anyone reading this story. i hope you love it as much as i do. try to vote and comment and share it, but if you don't that's fine, too. i appreciate any support for this.

xx. ashton