See Me After Class

lost & found

several days later i had left the library during lunch to dig through the school's lost and found. i had managed to lose my glasses at some point, and i figured that i would've been able to find them in the front office. people tended to not steal glasses since those weren't something that just anyone could benefit from. as i hurried down the hall, i pinched the bridge of my nose, thinking of all of the homework that i had to have done by the next day.

the silent hallway was soon filled with the loud footsteps of someone jogging. as the noise approached, getting louder and louder, they suddenly stopped. i turned to look at the source, only to find lance walking alongside me.

"what do you want, lance?" i inquired in an aloof tone, trying to not be rude for once.

shocked, he replied, "i thought i might accompany you to wherever you're headed."

i sighed and asked, "don't you have a class to be in right now?"

"it's my lunch period," he informed.

the short walk to the main office was quiet, and i had hoped that it would remain that way. as i dug through the bin that held far too many lunch boxes and jackets, lance observed.

finally, i grumbled, "the least you could do is help."

"well, what exactly are we looking for?"

"my glasses," i retorted.

he thought for a minute then said, "there's a pair in mr. styles' room. i was just in there for a study hall."

my mind raced, remembering the promise i had made to harry. i needed to act like the mention of his name didn't mean anything. i decided to get the glasses once i could finally get lance to go away.

"wes, i really don't get why you keep giving me the cold shoulder. i don't recall ever doing anything to you, and if i did, i really am sorry," lance inserted.

anger boiled up inside of me as i clenched my jaw and spat, "you turned on me just like everyone else, lance. don't act like everything is normal between us; you left me without a single friend to call mine."

"seriously?!" he shouted. "wesley, that was five years ago. for god's sake, don't you think you should let that go already?"

"fuck you," i said, raising my voice.

i had stormed off towards harry's classroom, trying to calm down. at the time, i had thought and justified my anger and the grudge that i had been holding, but now i know how childish i had been. it had definitely annoyed me that lance thought that everything could just be forgotten without any form of apology ever being said, but at the same time, it had been too long to be bitter about what had happened.

on my way to his room, a lunch bell rang, releasing the next shift of kids. when i reached room 202, i found that it was empty, not even harry was in there. i wandered in and found my glasses sitting on the bookshelf that i had been looking at the other day. curiously, i began to read all of the spines of the books, wondering what harry had been hiding. after a minute or two, i stumbled upon an unlabeled book and pulled it off of the shelf.

assuming that harry would be at lunch for thirty more minutes, i sat down at his desk and tried to figure what this was. after opening it, i discovered that it was a lined notebook, half filled with poems that i assumed to be harry's. i didn't have much time, so i had skimmed through the pages. one of the poems stuck out to me, and i felt as though i had been trespassing into a territory that i was never supposed to be in.

FACES PASS ME
AND I WISH THAT I KNEW
THE STORIES THAT BELONG TO THEM.

I CAN'T SEEM TO
FIND MY PLACE IN THIS WORLD,
BUT MAYBE THAT IS BECAUSE
I DO NOT BELONG HERE.

I CAN'T IMAGINE
THOSE SAME FACES WANTING
TO KNOW THE STORY THAT BELONGS TO ME.

MAYBE THAT IS BECAUSE
THERE ISN'T A STORY TO TELL,
AND MAYBE THAT IS BECAUSE
I HAVE NOT YET LIVED.

SO FAR MY LIFE HAS BEEN WASTED,
AND I PRAY THAT THOSE FACES
DO NOT THINK SO OF THEIRS.

i quickly took a picture of the page then placed the journal back into its original place. when i got to my class i told my teacher that i had been looking for my glasses then found my seat.

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the words of the poem stuck with me for the rest of the day. i couldn't help but relate to those seventeen lines. i had been trying so desperately to accomplish something great, but i wasn't living. i watched as everyone around me was enjoying their high school years while i sat at home with my parents most nights.

all of my classes flew by, including english, as i reread the poem over and over. occasionally, i would look up at harry and wonder how someone so seemingly happy and carefree could feel so down about his life and his accomplishments. there had been no date on the page, but i hoped that he no longer felt this way. my heart ached for him, for i knew the feeling that he described all too well.

i think that that was the day i had decided to forgive lance and everyone else. after being called out then reading harry's emotional poem, i began to rethink some of my actions. maybe i wasn't going to stop being home alone on friday nights, but i could at least give people around me a chance. i didn't have to have so many walls built up around me. i needed to live. i needed to have a story to tell. 

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a/n

it's short and it's late and i'm sorry, but, hey, we've had a bit of character development and a little look into who mr. styles is !!!? not exciting? okay, sorry; my bad.

thank you to every single lovely person who has read this and gotten it to 1k. let's hope it will grow to an even higher number.

xx. ashton