Against the Odds

Chapter 5

Natalie's Diary

Oct. 16th, 2015

Dear Diary,

        Dad was home today, crazy, I know. Anyway he reminded me about the stupid gala on Friday. I don't even want to go, it's just going to be a whole bunch of old rich people trying to prove who has the most money and fortune. It's ridiculous how much they value the material things. I mean my parents could care less about me, half the time I think they forget I even exist. Shouldn't family be at the top of the list of things to care about? If I had to make a list that's where I'd put it.

    Someday I want to have a family of my own and we won't care about the material things, hell I don't care right now. I could go without all the bells and whistles. You know, the expensive clothes, the nice cars that we never drive, the newest accessories and gadgets, all of it. I could care less if we were dirt poor if only I had parents who loved me. Why can't I move past this, why can't I just accept that it's never going to happen? They're never going to care....

    I think that I'm scared to move on, I'm scared to finally give up because when I do what am I going to have left?

    It really hurts, these thoughts bouncing around in my head, the what ifs. What if they loved me, what if they cared? What if I wasn't here, would anything change, would anyone notice?

    Gracen would notice, Penelope and Kaid too probably, but would anyone else? Would anyone else notice?

    I wonder if Brad would or if he would just forget about me? I can't seem to forget about him and I've only known him for 3 days. There's just something there, I can't seem to put my finger on it. But there's something special about him, about us when we're together. It feels like he's always been a part of my life, like I know him inside and out but I don't. I don't know the first thing about him. I want to though, I want to know him inside and out. Every secret and every fear. I want to be his person and I want him to be mine. Is it crazy that I've known him for 3 days and already I want that?

    Yep I'm crazy, crazy about him anyway. Gosh, what is happening to me, this is not me, not at all. It's like he's clouding my vision, blurring the edges, I've always been quiet and focused. Never wavering from the path that I set out for myself and now this boy enters my life and I'm confused and.... crazy.

    Ugh, for once in my life writing is not helping, I think I'm even more confused and turned around than I was when I started. I should just stop and come back later this obviously isn't working. Ugh....

    Goodbye for now I guess,

                    Love,          

Natalie