For Daryl Dixon [part 1]

Until I'm the last woman standin' right beside you (41)

I found him stuffing some make shift arrows he put together in his pack. There were at least thirty arrows. He didn't hear me walk up as he stood in the garage of Rick's house.

"Has your aim gotten so bad you need all them?" I said from behind him.

"Just wanna be ready," was all he said without turning around. I didn't let this bother me. Be strong Beth.

"I've been workin' on a song." I said trying to get him to look at me. "It's kind of a downer though. Wanna hear it?" When he didn't answer I started singing the words I had thought of right before I got shot.

Tell my sister don't cry and don't be sad

I'm in paradise with our dad

Cross my arms and leave me be

To rest with the others

For eternity

This got his attention, which I liked but his glare was harsh and made me take a step back.

"You think that's funny?" He said anger rising in his cheeks.

"I was just-"

"You was just what? This ain't a game Beth. You sayin' somethin' like that to me... now?"

"I didn't mean to-"

"Yeah. You was just tryin' to make things better... makin' me think about you dyin' ain't gonna do that."

I looked down at my feet and then back in his eyes. I wasn't going to let him make me feel bad. I wasn't the one who needed to be comforted. I knew the words were morbid but that wasn't why I said 'em. I wanted him to remember why he was goin' out there. To keep me safe. To keep all of us safe.

"I know I can't make things better Daryl." I said and took a step closer to him, holding my ground. "But you actin' this way ain't either. You gotta stop this. You gotta feel somethin' or else your just gonna..."

"Gonna what? Gonna die? Well, I may as well. Do both of us a favor!"

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt tears form in my eyes and I could feel my heart beating faster. 

"How would that be doing me a favor?" I asked him unable to speak any louder than a whisper.

"If I was gone maybe you'd stop thinkin' everythin' is fine. That everythin' is safe. I know you Beth. You can't help but let that faith and hope shit consume you. And the more I let you think that the closer you come to dying."

"You don't believe a word of that crap! I know you Daryl Dixon. You're like me, you find somethin' worth livin' for and hold on to it. You hold on to it until it's all you have. The only difference is you're certain you'll lose it. You think the only outcome is that it will die or leave you. Well, it ain't like that. Sure, I'm afraid that I'll lose everythin' but I won't let that stop me from feelin'. I won't let that stop me from livin'. This world ain't 'supose to be easy but if you think I'll be safer with you gone... well that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. This world or the old one, I don't wanna live in a world where there's no you." I felt my head spin from talkin' so fast. My hands were shaking and I waited as he stared back at me.

"I ain't good for you Beth." He said finally. "I ain't never been good for you."

"Why does everyone think they know what's good for me? You! Maggie! Carol! I know you think you know but y'all don't. If you did then you'd know the only reason I'm still alive, still breathing is because... ever since the prison I wake up everyday thinking of a reason not to just give up, to stop fighting. And you know who I think of? Not my dad, not Maggie... I think about you Daryl. Last winter when it was just you and me out there I never thought I'd want you around so bad. Now every time I don't know where you are I feel empty." I searched his eyes and saw a tear roll down his cheek. "I don't wanna feel empty Daryl. If I feel empty for too long, I don't think I can go on livin'."

"Until I'm the last man standing." He mumbled in my hair as I wrapped my arms around him.

"Until I'm the last woman standing right next to you." I whispered and tilted my head back to kiss him gently on the lips.

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