For Daryl Dixon [part 1]

Will you grow up? (55)

Daryl didn't come to bed at all that night. He wouldn't look at me the next morning either as we headed to the east building to get food. Everyone but Tara and Abraham came along. Rick left earlier in the morning to meet with the Corporal and we were all waiting anxiously for his return. It was almost noon when we finished eating and Lauren came to our house to fetch our people.

"I need volunteers to join us for another mission." She said now looking around our group. It was only Sasha, Carol, Michonne, and me.

"I'll got get Tara and Abraham." Sasha said going back inside.

"What is it this time?" Carol asked holding Judith in her arms.

"Just a precaution ma'am nothing to worry yourself about. Have your team meet at the west building in thirty minutes." Lauren said to Michonne and walked away...and Carol didn't hesitate to get upset.

"It is something I need to worry about if you're risking my people for your meaningless charades." She yelled to Lauren as she walked away.

"Carol, it's alright. I'll go find Daryl and we'll let you know as soon as we find out what's this about." Michonne placed a hand on Carol's shoulder and then kissed Judith on the head. She hugged me quickly before walking away. I could tell Carol was still really on edge.

"They're not bad people." I said trying to calm her. "They did save us."

"Oh Beth. When will you grow up?" She spat at me and I felt myself flinch at her words. "You think this is a game don't you? As soon as Daryl's gone for more than twenty-four hours you're already on to the next man to take care of you. It's pathetic. Your father died. Your sister died. Don't you think it's time to learn to take care of yourself? Stop being so naive and stop playing with Daryl's emotions. He can get killed out there if his head isn't on right and that will be on you."

Her words cut through me and I could feel my brain heat with frustration. As she walked away and into the house I could feel the tears roll down my cheeks. I was in shock for sure. I couldn't move my body so when Ashe came up to me and I didn't respond he shook me to bring me back.

"Hey Beth. Are you ok? Beth!" His words finally brought me back and I felt his finger wipe my face. "What is it? What's wrong?"

I couldn't form the words I wanted to say. I was speechless. Carol was so harsh and rude and... right? Was she right? I wasn't strong enough to protect my father or my sister. She was right. Was she right about Daryl too? I looked into Ashe's eyes and felt the fury rage inside me.

"I want you to teach me." I finally said and he just stared blankly at me.

"Teach you?"

"I want to learn to fight and kill. Teach me." My voice had never felt so strong and certain while I was talking to him and I could tell this surprised him.

"Ok. We start now." He said and started walking towards the building where we trained days before. I knew this was going to be hard but I was tired of being a step too late. I wanted to be ready for the threats that came. I needed to be ready.

****

This was the third time I had been punched across the face by the girl in front of me. If you could call her a girl. She was three sizes bigger than me and filled out with muscles I didn't even know existed.

"Again." Ashe said as I pushed off the boxing ring floor. He had taken me to the building next to the west building earlier today and I was shocked when I walked in. There were several punching bags and one big ring in the middle. He told me this was where the soldiers learned to fight and train before the outbreak happened.

"Bring it blondy." The girl snarled through her teeth. She was enjoying this too much.

After another hour of learning how to fight Ashe took me outside and picked up a long stick and tossed it to me. I almost dropped it but caught it as he grabbed one for him too.

"What's this?" I asked breathing heavy I was still tired from fighting earlier. My body ached but I pushed through the pain. Every time I was knocked down I heard Carol's words ringing in my head and got up again.

"I call it stick fighting... there's a word for it but for now let's just call it that." He took a stance and moved the stick under his arm and then back again. Every movement was fluid and I couldn't take my eyes off him. He told me to mimic his movements and I did until I could do it as fluid. We moved like this for hours until it started getting dark. By the time we were finished and started walking back towards the house I was beat.

"Good work today. We'll start again in the morning." He said.

My first instinct was to complain but I held back my words and nodded.

"Want to come in for some water? I can get some ice for your face too."

"Is it that bad?" I asked gently touching my swollen cheek.

"Still beautiful, but yeah I'd put some ice on it." He said and grabbed my hand leading me to his home. I looked over at ours and didn't see Carl or any of the others who stayed behind. For some reason I knew it wouldn't be good if any of them saw me following Ashe into his home, alone.

"Ok. Just for a little while."

****

After icing my face for ten minutes and drinking a bottle of wine I knew I should probably leave but I didn't want to face Carol again. Her words still played in my mind and I couldn't push them out.

"This is nice." Ashe finally said bringing me away from my thoughts.

"Yeah... the wine tastes great." I said trying to seem less distant than I felt.

"No... I mean this." He waved his hand between the two of us as we sat at his kitchen table. "I haven't sat and talked to someone like this since my fiancé passed."

This caught me off guard. I didn't even think of him having a family before all this. As if reading my expression he just shrugged.

"It was before all this. She died of breast cancer." He said and laughed a sad laugh. "Seems like ages ago, I can't hardly picture her face now."

"I'm sorry." I said and reached for his hand instinctively to comfort him. He turned his palm over and held my hand and smiled. He was so calm and not tense that I wasn't sure how to react to this Ashe. I wasn't even sure why he was opening up to me. He let go of my hand and stood up to close the bottle of wine.

"That's enough for tonight. Don't want you taking advantage of me."

Even though it was a joke it set me on edge. I felt a pang of guilt for looking at him the way that I was. But the wine was setting in and I couldn't hold on to the feeling of guilt for more than a moment before his smile brought me back to feeling hot down to my core.

"I make you uncomfortable don't I?" He said walking over to me looking down at me. "I'm sorry that I do. There's just not a lot of good in this world and I promised myself if I ever found some... I'd hold on to it."

I stood up trying to take a step back. I knew this was going to far but my mind was a little fuzzy as I took a step back and almost lost my balance. His hands caught my waist and I felt fire surge through my body at his closeness. Beth...what are you doing? I didn't pull away as he gently pushed me against the post behind me, pushing his body so close to mine. He pushed my hair behind my ear and as his face got closer to mine I could smell the wine on his breath.

"I'll only kiss you if you want me too." He whispered staring into my eyes. I didn't move but closed my eyes and lifted my hands to my face. I shook my head and he stepped back. I don't know why I started to cry but I was glad that I did.

"I'm sorry...I can't." I hurried to the door before he could say another word because I wasn't sure if I could say no again if I looked into his longing eyes.