For Daryl Dixon [part 1]

Return (89)

I walked into the church on the corner of the street. It was night time and the silence of the night was overwhelming. I wasn't sure why I came here but when I couldn't fall asleep this is where my feet led me. I felt a giant wave of regret as soon as my feet stepped over the church's threshold. It was dark inside but a few candles lit the walk way and the alter. My hands traced the rows of seats that led to the alter and I felt the urge to cry rush over me. I let the tears flow down my cheeks seeing the large cross in front of me. I knelt to my knees and could feel my whole body shake with anger and frustration. Every thought I had towards God hasn't been in the best spirits since the world ended. I tried to imagine my father sitting the pew beside me at church but couldn't see his face. I could see myself in a yellow dress but when I looked over I looked for Maggie but couldn't picture her face either. It was just a blur in my mind. I began to cry in frustration until I heard footsteps behind me. I pulled out my knife and stood to turn around.

"Shoulda known you'd still have that on ya." Morgan said coming to stand in front of me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked wiping my tears away. He opened in hands and then looked around the church.

"Just wanted to be alone for awhile." He said and then smiled down at the ground.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Just a memory. Why are you crying?" His voice seemed concerned, which caught me off guard. I didn't think he was a bad guy hit definitely didn't think like us. But Rick trusted him so I allowed my guard to fall a little.

"Can't picture my families faces." I admitted and sat down in a pew. I watched him to do the same a few rows back. "Every time I try to see their faces , there's nothing there. I think I've pushed the thought of hem being dead away so many times that my mind finally let me forget."

"No." He said calmly.

"No?" I asked watching him speak steadily.

"You haven't forgotten them. You just gotta be more specific. Think of a time you were with them. Let the memory fill in their faces." He said and motioned me to try it.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and exhaled. For some reason the only memory I could think of was right before the outbreak. Daddy was taking me and Maggie down to the river on our horses. I could see daddy getting off the horse and then coming over to help me. Maggie hopped off with such grace and I remember being jealous of how beautiful she was. Daddy swung me in his arms and then put me on the ground. It was a simple moment but it was the best memory I could bring back. I saw Maggie's smile and felt my eyes welt with tears, and then my dads as he walked behind me and Maggie to the river. When I opened my eyes Morgan wasn't there. I felt myself smile a little as the silence gave me a moment to remember. To remember my family and what it feels like to not feel in danger. It was an odd feeling and I wasn't sure if I was ready for it to return.

******

I stood with Alison as she walked Michonne and I through the small town. She showed us the armory, which I already saw for myself, she showed us where they keep the stock of food, and she showed us where everyone lived. As we walked now I could see that Morgan had been delegated to keeping the farm tamed with a few of the other people of the Ridge. He smiled and nodded at me as we passed and I returned the favor. I saw Michonne eye me after the exchange. Alison continued to talk about the town needing to thrive and she listed off all the jobs she has given our people. Tara, helping in the medical unit. Michonne and Rick were to keep the peace, so I guess you would call them our constables. Sasha, keeping watch from the tower. Carol and Cara, helping with the young and the old. Glenn, going on runs and everyone pitching in to building and expanding the walls.

"And I haven't quite figured out a place for that one yet." Alison said eyeing Daryl as he sat on the porch lighting another cigarette. He had his crossbow leaned up against his leg and he didn't even notice us staring at him. I smirked a little to myself, of course they couldn't place him. No one could.

"He's a hell of a hunter. Loyal too." Michonne said as Alison's disapproving look narrowed on him.

"I offered him that job. Says he doesn't play well with others. " Alison said.

"Didn't you say you wanted to expand?" I asked suddenly thinking of what Rick and I talked about in the RV only a few weeks ago.

"Yes.." Alison said looking at me with a look of confusion.

"Well, instead of just expanding the walls what about expanding the amount of people." I offered.

"Isn't that what we're doing with allowing your group to come in?" She said.

"Yeah but we're not going to be enough. We've seen first hand what not knowing does when your inside the walls for too long. We need someone on the outside, searching the perimeter for people we can trust. It's the only way this kind of thing can work." I explained and she thought about that for a moment.

"What about the people we can't trust?"

"That's why I think Daryl should be the one doing that job." I said.

"He's a good judge of character." Michonne added.

"You want me to send that man, in the leather motorcycle jacket and cigarettes, to determine who we allow in our community?" She asked and laughed a little.

"I can see your not the best judge of character." I mumbled and Michonne shot me a look.

"You can trust him." Michonne said.

Alison looked over at Daryl once more and nodded her head.

"Fine but one of my people has to go along. That's my only condition."

*******