[warnings: i feel like throwing up, it's 2:40 am, idk what i'm gonna write let's wing it woo, i know so much more about anorexia since fucking may when i actually actively updated this,]
[ships: luke hemmings + ashton irwin]
Luke hadn't stopped using his journal.
He kept the book with him everywhere, documenting the number of calories he consumed down to the decimal if he were to even touch food, planning workouts to rid himself of the calories he'd eaten, scheduling fast days and a diet plan that he'd been working on. He wrote down different ways to restrict in different types of company, such as how to restrict his calorie intake with Ashton as opposed to with his parents.
He kept everything written down in his tiny journal, all small-font and meticulous graphs and numbers. Luke wanted to be in control.
On the other hand, Ashton hadn't stopped coaxing Luke to eat.
It was a struggle for Ashton, hearing Luke's stomach growl in his sleep when he had insisted he wasn't hungry, sitting across from Luke and watching him barely even nibble.
He was so good at hiding it, too. It made Ashton even more upset and frustrated to see his little tactics, such as cutting up his food into tiny pieces as if they'd just disappear off of his plate.
"Luke," Ashton said softly. "Luke, wake up."
"M'cold," he mumbled, pulling the covers closer. "Just let me sleep."
Ashton frowned. Luke was always cold, because he never ate and was never burning calories.
"Luke, you need to eat. You promised me you'd eat twice a day."
Luke's eyes were open and he pouted. His pout was encrusted with anger, though, and made it less cute.
"Fine," he hissed, throwing the covers back.
"You know, I'm just trying to help you," Ashton said, watching Luke walk across the room.
Luke didn't respond, opening their bedroom door and storming down the stairs. Ashton followed close behind, asking him question after question and finally Luke spun around, his face red and eyes wide with terror.
"When did I even ask for your help?" He shouted, effectively silencing Ashton. He was stumped.
"When did I ask for you to come in and be Mr. Superman and force me to eat and get fatter and uglier than I already am?"
Ashton's teeth latched onto the inside of his cheek and he almost moved instantaneously with the thought that shot through his mind.
Kiss him.
Ashton had spent the past week skirting around Luke, trying to help him without trying to get to know him first. He realized that he couldn't get to the root of the problem and solve it if he didn't even know what the problem actually was. From Ashton's perspective, it was the constant bullying and nagging from Luke's father that manifested into an eating disorder, but he didn't know why it continued.
Ashton assumed it was good that he did know why it all began, but he really wanted to know why Luke continued to starve himself.
All the while, Luke was standing in front of him, looking for an answer and trembling in a nervous rage.
Ashton hated seeing him this way.
YOU ARE READING
organic. ➵ lashton
Fanfictionluke likes his food organic. vegan. no animal products whatsoever. he's been a vegan ever since he could purchase food on his own and now that he's gotten a bit 'bigger' since college he's looking for a way to amp up his diet for university. what he...
