Blackbird

Nothings

When I wake up its dark outside and I groggily sit up. I yawn and wipe the sleep from my vision. Daisy, who was curled up at my feet, raises her head at the movement. I feel better now that I've rested and I decide to head downstairs. As I walk down Daisy follows silently padding along the wooded floor. Getting to the bottom of the stairs I hear a set of hushed voices in the kitchen and I don't know whether or not to go in. Daisy decides for me, meowing and strutting into the room and I follow her.
The voices stop as we walk in and Andrew straitens up from the counter looking relieved, Mia looks aggravated but the look vanishes quickly and she looks away from Andrew to me smiling warmly.
"We didn't want to wake you up since you weren't feeling well. Andrew got here a little bit ago." I nod and smile slightly at Mia.
"Are you ready to go Aria?" Andrew's tone is soft but he sounds eager to leave.
"Ehm yeah. Thank you again Mia for everything." She walks over and envelops me in a hug.
"Don't forget what I told you." She says softly during the hug and I nod softly.
The car ride back to Andrew's house is short but quiet for the most part, it isn't until we are almost there that he talks.
"You didn't tell me you were sick."
I shrug. "It wasn't important at the time. There was a lot going on."
He frowns looking at me. "Yes it's important."
"Well what's done is done, Mia gave me some medicine for it anyways and it's already helped a lot."
The conversation trails off into an awkward silence until we get to the house. Walking inside Elwood greats me licking at my hand and trying to get me to pet him. I do so and look around, everything looks like it did when I left. Gone are the empty glasses and the sickening smell of her perfume. I wonder if I will ever move forward from this. Maybe one day.
I'm still tired and still feel slightly sick but I don't tell that to Andrew. When night truly falls and it's late enough to decide what to do about sleeping arrangements we both stare stubbornly at each other. I'm fine with the couch but Andrew insists I take his bed.
"No. Absolutely not Andrew." I glare at him stubbornly, I'm not going to give in.
"Aria, please. Please just take the bed Aria." He's begging and he looks like he's about to cry.
"Damn you Andrew." I pick up my bag and march myself up to his room and slam the door shut.
Damn him making me sleep in here. I slide down against the door sitting on the floor. Eventually I crawl into the bed, I'm too exhausted to do much else.  I purposely crawl onto his side of the bed. God I miss him, he's there but he's not. Christ where did it all go wrong.

••••

I wake up in a cold sweat, my breathing shallow. Sobs wrack my body as images of my fathers death and my mothers scorn and hatred flash through my mind. It's not the first time, ever since I was in New York the nightmares have been occurring.
Eventually the sobs become uncontrollable and it becomes harder and harder to breath. Air feels like it's slipping away from and my throat is tight. I don't dare open my eyes because they burn from tears.
Then a pair of arms lift me up, I barely register it until I'm in Andrew's lap him murmuring soft words into my hair as he rocks me back and forth lightly.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I say it over and over again between my ragged breaths and sobs.
"Shhhh love. I know, it's all okay now. I'm here. I'm sorry too, but it's okay now." I clutch onto his grey shirt desperately, a life line keeping me afloat as I try not to drown.
We stay like that, him lightly humming nothings until I fall asleep.