Adrian (The Write Awards 2013)

15: You'll Never Win

I awake to the sounds of Lenore and Louisa bustling through the kitchen. They try to be quiet as possible, for they constantly shush each other, but they still manage to make a racket. I feel exhausted, but my mind is now wide awake and I can't fall back asleep. I squint my eyes so they can adjust to the blinding light.

As Louisa pads over towards me, I shut my eyes tight so she doesn't think she's waken me. I feel like a little girl again, waiting for a mother to come tuck me in while pretending I've already fallen asleep in the process. Unfortunately, I don't have any concrete memories of that mother. I have to stifle a sigh at the thought.

I feel slender fingers gently wrap around my shoulder. "Adrian," Louisa says. "Time to wake up."

I put on a show of opening my eyes slowly and blinking. I let my eyes scan the room, as if I don't know exactly where I am for a moment before looking up at Louisa and giving her a weak half smile. She seems thoroughly convinced by my act and rejoins her sister in the dig through the cupboards.

I sit up slowly and stretch. I run my fingers through what must be my terrible nest of hair, and they get caught in various knots many times. It isn't until Lenore hands me a wooden comb that I'm able to conquer most of the tangles. Even so, some are so persistent that I'm afraid of breaking the teeth of the comb as I try to unravel them.

This reminds me of Adrian. How my mind made this connection I'm not sure, but it did. He's like one of those knots, so irritatingly persistent. He's built up by so many secrets that it's made him tough. He's always been like that. I'm the comb, trying to unravel him. But every time I get too close, I break. Adrian is just too bittersweet, sometimes.

I throw the covers aside and stand with a confidence that doesn't waver. I am better today, so much better. There is no way that the twins will be able to postpone our expedition. I will not stop the progress of my own journey today.

"Good morning," I say to both girls as I smooth out the wrinkles in the new dress that Louisa lended me yesterday.

"Good morning," they both greet simultaneously as they continue to rummage through the cabinets. They don't even bother to turn their heads while doing so.

I can't help but wonder what exactly they're looking for, but I know it must be of some importance and relevance if the two are looking for it so feverishly. Maybe it's a multitude of things they're searching for, because they keep pulling out random objects and setting them aside.

"Adrian," Louisa says. "We're looking for a pen. Have you seen one?"

A pen? Were they serious? "No, I'm afraid I haven't...."

"It's blue in color. You see, we have to use that pen to sign out," Lenore explains.

"What?" I'm so confused. Where do they have to sign out from? And why must they use that pen? Maybe its something to do with a magical lease, but that sounds ridiculous. And Lenore says it like it's an everyday type of thing. Maybe it is. How is it that I know so little when I'm supposed to know so much?

"Here it is!" Louisa cries as she pulls out a blue pen from the depths of a cupboard. "Now we can go." She sighs. "Grab the packs, Lenore."

Lenore scurries off down a hall quietly, like a mouse. I'm just standing here, wondering what in the world is going on. There seems to be surprises at every corner with these girls. "I'm a bit confused as to why you have to sign out of your own house. Especially with a certain pen."

"Well, silly, it isn't our house. It's Jax's. He needs to know if we're leaving for extended or indefinite periods of time so...."

I pull at the ends of my hair in frustration. "Are you two crazy? We're on a hunt to find Jax. You are done with conforming to his rules now! This is what I was talking about. He's restraining you. Now you both are free."