Adrian (The Write Awards 2013)

22: Invercargill

Sitting here, alone with Darren, is causing my anxiety to multiply tremendously. I can't complain entirely, because it helps me to keep my attention away from reading into Darren's mind. My mind keeps reeling over our previous conversation in the train, and how he couldn't read into Jax or I's thoughts. He was even having trouble with Adrian. So does that mean that I shouldn't be able to read into his? It makes no sense. It doesn't click together at all.

Unless he's lying.

He could be lying. He could be listening to what I'm thinking about right now. After all, Jax seems to be able to do such. Maybe Jax, like me, can only listen into people's thoughts when he's focused on them, or his brain has nothing out to focus on. That would make sense. Maybe Darren is the same as well, and he just hasn't focused enough.

Or maybe he doesn't have the empathy that Jax and I have. He doesn't have the earthly experience, and he's already admitted that it makes him less powerful, in a way. But then that still doesn't make sense because he can read into mortals minds. Well, he could have learned empathy here in the new universe. And it looks like he may have, with Lenore and Louisa. Has fatherhood unlocked a new power?

"Cleo . . . Cleo! Are you even listening?" Darren asks. I still can't see his face because Adrian is still searching blindly for the entrance, but I think I finally turned just the right way to face him by the the sound of his voice.

I shake my head, snapping myself back into reality. "What? Oh, no. I'm sorry. Say that again?"

He sighs deeply, obviously aggravated. "I was just saying how I seem to know more about Adrian, but I can't figure out exactly what it is."

He doesn't need to elaborate much more, despite how vague the sentence is. My mind immediately flashed to the day in Jax's cave, where I overheard Jax talking to someone, presumably Darren, about Adrian. Maybe Darren doesn't remember because Jax wiped his memory of the incident. "Have you talked to Jax about him?"

There's a pause before he answers. "Maybe . . . I don't know. He takes my memory, you see. Most of the things I know are things that I've figured out myself, either by spying on Jax or piecing together small bits of information."

I remember again how Darren thought I was Jax's weapon, and how Jax insisted that Adrian was his weapon instead. I remember how it was almost like he needed me to commit suicide. But now, it makes more sense. I can't be his weapon because I'm the one he's fighting against. Adrian is the one that's meant to make me commit suicide so I'm done with, but he's developed a mind of his own. Everything is starting to click into place. Darren thought I was the weapon because in the back of his mind, he knew Jax was the war. And he knew this because when Jax gave him powers, he also inadvertently gave him a conscious! It's all rushing through my head at once. How couldn't I have seen it before? It makes sense. It all makes sense.

How can I explain my epiphany to Darren without completely freaking him out? I ask a question to stall time. "And you know about Jax wiping your memory how?"

"Told you, I spied on him. Just like how the memories of Adrian are tugging at me, the memories of the way around Jax's cave also tugged at me. Even though they were so faint, I was still able to use them. I think it was my powers that actually did the trick . . ."

Despite knowing that Darren can't see me, I shake my head. "Jax does not know what he's doing. He's given us the easiest advantage in the world!"

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"You," I say, knowing good and well that Darren won't like it. And I think I know why: because he doesn't like feeling like a puppet. None of us do, because that's what we were made to be. And none of us want to admit it.