The TimeLord Who Changed

5

We find a restaurant in central London and am led to a nice, fancy table. We all sit down. I pick up my menu, then proceed to inspect it. When I decide on pizza (classy, right?), I call the waiter over. The Doctor, River, and I order. Afterward, we talk. I start off with: "So, Doctor, why'd you collapse like that on the TARDIS? You totally left me hanging."

He scratched his chin. "I honestly have no idea what happened to me back there. It was weird. It felt like something was draining my consciousness from me."

I start to think. As far as I know, the Doctor and I have never dealt with anything that can make people fall asleep and change form. "Well, maybe...maybe the same alien that framed us for the crimes is the same thing that made you sleep?" I ask.

"The same...oh. Oh. Oh no. Of course, who else could it be?" he mutters.

River and I exchange looks. She inquires, "Doctor, what are you talking about?"

He looks at us. "Right after I regenerated into Eleven, I met a little girl named Amelia. River, you're...familiar...with her. Well, the night I met her, she showed me a crack in her wall. I opened it, and an alien escaped through it. It's name was Prisoner Zero. It was a shape-shifter; the only thing was that it could change form if it's victim was unconscious. It could even steal someone's consciousness. I thought he died when the Atraxi captured it, but I guess not. My best guess is that it has a vendetta against me."

My eyebrows crease together. I say, "What, so this Prisoner Zero thing is pretending to be us and breaking laws just because you ruined its life?" The waiter comes to our table to deliver our drinks, then leaves. I take a sip of lemonade.

The Doctor starts to open his mouth, but, all of a sudden, his eyes close and he slumps forward. Another waiter comes over to us. He sits down next to me. The waiter glances at me, then at River. The waiter..is the Doctor. He smiles. "That is correct, dearest Clara. You get an A on the test."

River stands up. "Clara, I need to go to the bathroom. Would you mind being my bathroom buddy?" she asks. I am confused at first, but she nods toward Doctor the Second; I get it.

I stand up also. "Why, yes, River, I would like to go to the bathroom with you," I reply nonchalantly.

She smiles, and walks around to my side. Still smiling, she pinches the other Doctor's ear and hauls him to his feet. Me following, she drags him into the--luckily empty--women's bathroom. She proceeds to pin him to the wall. Her knee on the Doctor's stomach, she lefts up her dress to unstrap a blaster from her thigh. River puts her dress back the way it was. After, she pushes the end of the blaster to the second Doctor's chin. She growls, "What business is it of yours to ruin my husband's reputation? You stop messing with us right now or so help me I will blast your head off!"

All he does is laugh. "Oh, a feisty one! I like a little fight in my women."

River scoffs. "That is sick. Totally, completely sick. You may look like my husband, but you are not. I would never even think about you twice. And if you make one more snooty remark, I swear you'll die where you stand," she threatens, pressing the blaster harder against his chin.

"Aw, you're gonna kill me? Too bad, because I've had such a great life until this point," he responds.

"That's it!" River hisses. Her finger presses the trigger, but nothing happens. She points the side of the blaster at herself. "What the--oh, great it's dead. Lovely." She pulls up her dress again and unlatches the second blaster to find it's low battery as well. She sighs. "Good thing I have a dagger in my bra."

I put a hand up. "Wait. River, why is there a dagger in your bra?"

She stares at me. "Some girls keep candy in their bra, I keep a dagger in mine. Now let me kill this alien!" She actually pulls a one-foot-long knife out of her bra and plunges it into Prisoner Zero's neck. The thing disintegrates, and River takes a deep breath. "Thank god."

"Wanna go wake the Doctor up?" I ask casually.

"Yeah, let's go." She follows me out of the bathroom. We arrive at the table to see the Doctor's already awake.

He rubs his head. "Clara, River, what happened?" he wonders, clearly confused. One at a time, we explain what went down in the last two minutes since he fell asleep. His expression doesn't change the entire time. When we finish, he kisses River on the cheek. "Thank you for saving me."

She kisses him back. She says, "You're very welcome. Now, I have a date with Twelve one year and three weeks ago from now. I'll see you in about a minute!" She presses a few buttons on her vortex manipulator and disappears in a puff of smoke.

The waiter that doesn't look like the Doctor comes over and brings us our food, River's included. I smile at the Doctor. "Okay, let's dig in!" I exclaim. We both wolf down our meals and pay for the check. As we're strolling out, I whisper, "Doctor?"

"Yeah?"

"I know you're married to River, but...we're still good, right?"

To reassure me, he presses his lips to mine for a solid thirty seconds. "We are very good."