Never Be || Lashton (BoyxBoy)

15 - I Wish We'd Take Back All the Things We Said

Dedication: @hemwns

First of all, I'm so sorry about how late this chapter is I think it's been nine days since I last updated. I'm horrible I know, and to make matters worse I don't even have a good excuse I've just been procrastinating.

Super crappy chapter and once again I'm sorry but as you'll see by the ending I'm excited to write the new chapter!! It's gonna be fun! :)

Last exam until I'm finished with High School forever is in a few hours! It's 2:00am I shouldn't even be awake!! :(

I'm uploading the first chapters of my two new Lashton stories on Friday so if you're interested go check them out.

Not much editing took place so please don't be afraid to point out any spelling or grammatical errors so I can correct them.

Vote/comment if you wish to do so and I'll love you! Hope you enjoy this chapter even if it's terrible. - Vanessa

***
Previously:

"I- I can't feel his emotions anymore," Ashton murmured, finally placing the strange numbness and empty feeling in his chest. He couldn't feel Luke's emotions or even his presence. Everything was wrong, he felt wrong, but at the same time it held a sense of finality.

It was better this way. Luke didn't know he was gone, they never said goodbye but it was better like this because Luke never loved him anyways so it didn't matter, it never had.

***
Ashton lay in bed listening to the steady vibration of his phone ringing on his bedside. He knew he should answer it but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He hated himself more and more just thinking about how worried Michael and Calum probably were about him when he never said he was leaving and just disappeared.

What hurt most of all was that Luke never called. He asked his mom who the missed calls belonged to and all of them were from Michael and Calum. He knew Luke didn't care about him; he'd said so himself, but being hit with the evidence of that hurt more than he'd care to admit.

He didn't know whether or not he was glad the numbness was gone. He didn't like feeling numb but the ache in his chest and the pain of not having Luke was much worse. He'd cried for hours when he got home and was now exhausted; lying in bed hoping for sleep to come but he couldn't, not when everything hurt so much.

Luke never loved me. Luke never cared.

Each time he said that to himself was like a knife twisting in his heart. It kept going deeper and opening the wound further, preventing it from healing. He could hear him; the voice of his ten-year-old self reminding him of why we should never trust. It's not safe. Trusting someone is giving yourself over to people and having faith that they wont destroy you but they always do.

Which is why he wont call Michael and Calum back. He doesn't know why they're calling and although he believes it's because they're worried, his ten-year-old self reminds him that no one really cares. They're probably calling because they're angry at him, after all they probably think Ashton cheated on Luke just like Luke believes.

Even though Luke was the one who cheated, they've known Luke for far longer. They were probably only with Ashton out of obligation; their best friend was with someone and they didn't want to be rude. It makes sense and he doesn't blame them. He's never had anything to offer, who would hang out with Ashton because they honestly wanted to?

Harry.

Ashton felt a slight pang in his chest because Harry was the only friend he had who had no connection to Luke. Harry went out of his way to hang out and talk to Ashton. There were times when he thought maybe he only hung out with Ashton because none of his other friends were around but Harry had friends in their lecture but chose to sit with him anyways. Maybe it was out of pity but Harry deserved an explanation.