What Is This I Feel

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"Baby I'm sorry." Gavin pleaded. "I didn't mean to. I don't know. Something overcomes me and I just can't control myself." He cried with tears coming down his face. "Please I'm sorry." He apologized as Lexie cried sitting on the bench swing on their front porch. He reached out to comfort her but she flinched and backed away. "Baby I'm so sorry, please forgive me." All he got out of Lexie was more cries. He sat down next to her leaving a reasonable space between them. Logan came out and went to his mommy. She wiped her face and smiled at her son.

"Ready to go over to your uncle Noah's?" He nodded. "Okay go get dressed so we can go then." She instructed and he ran off. Lexie rose from the bench and Gavin looked up at her with sad eyes.

"I love you so much Lex. Please forgive me." She shook her head and walked away.

•••

"Mommy I love you." Logan said as she drove to her brother's house. He knew something was off but being so young, he didn't quite know the entire truth. "So much mommy." He smiled at her through the rear view.

"I love you too sweet boy." She said. She parked and carried Logan out of the car, meeting her brother in front of his home.

"Hey little sis." He smiled and took Logan.

"Thank you for watching him I just am so busy!"

"Oh don't worry. We love him here." He smiled. "We'll see you later. Say bye Logan."

"Buh bye mommy I love you." He kissed her cheek and waved.

"I love you." She blew him a kiss as she got back in her car.

•••

"Hey!" Blake called. "Lexie!!" Lexie turned around as she was walking out of her manager's office.

"Oh hi Blake!" She said surprised.

"You know you forgot you're guitar the other day." He said.

"Ohh yeah. Sorry about that I was in a rush. Do you have it now?"

"It's in my trailer but it won't be here for an hour or two. Would you like to go get some coffee and maybe talk about another time to get together and write?" He offered.

"Sure." She told him.

"I'll drive." He said as they walked out of the building. He drove towards a little cafe that Lexie always went to when she needed to flee from the house, which had grown to be often this past year. He parked. "Alright let's go." He pulled up the brake in his truck and hopped out as Lexie did as well. They both walked into the cafe and ordered coffee.

"Oh no I'll pay." She smiled.

"Are you kidding? I'm paying." Blake asserted nicely and paid. They sat with their coffees and Blake couldn't stop his mind from going back to other day. When Lexie put her coffee down on the table, he saw a purple, bruised ring around her arm. He took a second look and then looked back up at her face. She was staring at her coffee, in a different universe. "So howabout tomorrow?" He said and watched her snap out of her thoughts.

"Uhm sure!" She said.

"Alright cool." He smiled. "So how olds your son?" He asked.

"Four." She smiled. "Anyway, what did you plan on writing about?"

"We can leave that for tomorrow. I just wanna get to know ya." He let out too quickly. "Because you know to write songs, I feel like I should know the person a little." He saved awkwardly.

"Oh yeah, you're right." She flashed him a smile that made Blake feel happy inside. "What do ya wanna know?" She giggled a little.

"Well howabout I start?" He noticed her uneasiness. "Well you probably know I got divorced about half a year ago." He mentioned. "No girls for me right now though." He laughed. He didn't know why he felt as if it was necessary to tell her this but he did anyway. "Married?" He asked, even though he knew the answer.

"Yes." She said immediately but he didn't see her smile. "His name is Gavin. We've known each other since high school and I guess it was just meant to be. We only have one son, his name is Logan." She smiled when mentioning her child.

"That's nice." He said, taking a sip of his coffee. He watched her as she did the same, not able to take his eyes off the bruising but when she made eye contact he looked away. "I think my bus is back at the studio. Wanna go back?" He asked.

"Sure." She tapped on the table and followed Blake out.

•••

"Okay I'll see you tomorrow Lexie." Blake waved her goodbye.

"Okay." She smiled and went to her car.

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