James Mandarin

Carrots

"Hey!"

I almost choke on my carrot sticks when Zen sits beside me. "Mind if I join you?" he asks. I stare at him, dumbfounded. "Alright then." He looks at my lunchbox. "I see you like carrots."

"I love carrots." I reply quickly.

Zen raises an eyebrow. "Where's Chloe?"

"Chloe?" Jealousy rises in my chest. "Chloe? She's sick today. Why are you asking?"

"You're sitting alone." Zen pauses for a long moment before the realisation sinks in. "I don't like, like her."

"I didn't ask if you liked her," I reply, defensively.

"It's written all over you, man. You're smitten."

I pull the sleeves of my jumper even further over my arm. "No I'm not. We're just friends." Zen grunts and begins eating his sandwich. "When next are we skateboarding?"

"How about after school?"

"Sorry, I can't. I have work."

"Where do you work?"

"The bookstore... Sally & Dickens. It's the only bookstore in town."

"Oh yeah."

We continue eating in silence, until the rest of Zen's group finds us and sit with us. It doesn't take long for the fragile silence to shatter. The voices soon turn into a noose. I watch as Zen becomes absorbed with his friends. Loneliness caves in, and I grab my things and walk away, throwing my remaining carrot sticks into the bin.

* * *

Mum sits on the sofa, smoking a cigarette. Mascara lines stream down her cheeks as she takes another drag of her Marlboro. She doesn't give me a second glance as I make my way upstairs and into my bedroom. The curtains are drawn and my bed has been made. That's the thing about mum. She cleans when she's depressed.

I remove my clothes and change into my work uniform. I grab my wallet from my bedside table and place it in my back pocket before heading back down stairs.

"Your father doesn't love me," mum mutters when I reach the bottom stairs. She plays with the curls in her hair and sniffs pitifully. "Your father doesn't love me." I look at her for a moment and turn away. She looks fragile. I open the door and walk to the bus stop.

* * *

"Afternoon, James," Ben says as I enter the store.

"Afternoon." Hollie remains standing at the counter with her bottle of ice tea. However, it isn't her usual flavour of pear and honey. It is pineapple flavoured.

"What happened to the usual?" I ask, pointing towards the bottle.

Hollie rolls her eyes. "The stupid shop doesn't sell them anymore," I take a quick step backwards. "I hate pineapple! I hate the god-damn-mother fucking fruit!"

"Then why did you buy it?"

"Shut up. It's my lady week."

"OK." I walk away and begin checking the shelves to make sure the books are where they belong. I hate it when people browse the bookshop, take a book, read its blurb and don't return it back to where they got it. The door opens and a costumer walks in. I don't turn around to see who it is. Instead, I go out back to get something to eat.

I later return back to the shop with an apple, to find Holly twirling her hair and smiling. I shake my head, unable to believe my eyes. Holly is actually acting like one of those giddy girls in Chloe's collection of chick flick movies.

I move closer towards Hollie and the figure in front of her. They're talking about Japanese art and Deviantart. I know nothing about Japanese culture, but I know things about Deviantart.

"Hey James," Hollie says when she notices me.

"Hey," My jaw almost drops when I realise the person talking to Hollie is Zen. "Nice bookstore," he says.

I shuffle my feet, suddenly feeling awkward. "Yeah, thanks," I murmur, before scurrying away to the sanctuary of the bookshelves. It's then I realise I'm not surprised. I'm jealous.

I'm jealous of what Hollie and Zen have. I'm jealous of the fact Hollie has been reduced to nothing but melted chocolate whilst talking to Zen.

I'm jealous because Chloe doesn't look at me the way Hollie looks at Zen.