James Mandarin

August

August, 2013

We buried you today James, in the flower field behind the old Baptist church. You didn't make it home that day. They said you were crossing the street when the car hit you. You would have never seen it coming.

I can't believe you're gone. You were not supposed to die, James. Not yet. Not so soon. We had plans to leave this town and make a life for ourselves away from everyone else. But now, you're stuck here until the end of time.

I miss you James. I really do. I suppose I didn't accept what had happened to you, until they placed your coffin in the ground. It was then I realised that you were gone forever. I realised that we would never leave this town together. We would not drive all the way to Perth in a caravan and you would never become the artist you wanted to be.

Zen and Hollie haven't stopped crying. Ben, especially is devastated. I suppose I was the lucky one. I got to say goodbye to you.

I wish I had forced you to stay back. I wish we didn't go to the beach that day. I wish I was a better friend.

I placed my journals beside you today. I thought they belonged with you.

I love you James Mandarin. I always have and I always will. I've loved you since the day we first met. I loved your smile, your bright eyes and the way you'd come up with strange readings in literature. I loved the way you'd make me laugh or how you'd make me feel so much better about myself when feeling low.

I wrote about you all the time in my journal. I wrote endless letters to you about my world and my feelings for you.

I wish I told you how much I loved you. I wish I did. But life can be so cruel. I'll never get to tell you that.

You were a great person James. You were the best friend a girl could ever want to have, and I doubt there will ever be someone as amazing as you.

Rest In Peace, James. I hope you have fun up there in paradise I will always love you, forever and always.

Chloe.