Testimony

24. Going Home

Nicki- hi Razah, I'm your mommy.

My baby was now 2 days old and the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I was obsessed with him. I decided to name him Razah which is African for hope because he was that to me. Razah Jelani Maraj Williams. My baby. It was our last day at the hospital and I was ready to go home. Draya and Lindsey came by yesterday to see the baby but they insisted and Meek, the baby and I having "family time" so they left. They were waiting for me at the apartment tho. Meek has been up here all 3 days and he's been helping me out a lot. We still had a lot to talk about but he respect my wishes and didn't bring any negative energy into the hospital.

Meek- what do you want him to wear?

Nicki- something warm because it's windy outside

Meek dug in the baby bag and pulled out the camouflage onesie that I bought.

Nicki- do you think you could get him dressed while I put my clothes on?

Meek- I don't know

Nicki- it's ok Meek, your not going to break him. You can do it" I giggled

Meek- ight, I'll try.

I went into the bathroom to wash up and change my clothes so that we could go. I came out and Meek was holding Razah in his arms.

Nicki- good job!

Meek- thanks, you ready?

Nicki- yep, you can put him in his car seat.

Meek strapped him in and the nurse came in with a wheelchair for me.

Nicki- put the blanket over the car seat Meek.

We made it outside where Meeks car was waiting. I thanked the nurses and they helped me in while Meek strapped the car seat in.

Meek- how you do this?

I got out of the car and went to the backseat to try and help Meek.

Nicki- I don't know, maybe this goes here

Meek- I ain't tryna have him fall out

We were trying but honestly, Meek and I were two dummies with a baby. We had a lot to learn and fast. I went inside and asked for a nurse to come and help us. The came and strapped the car seat in for us.

Meek- is it ok if we go to my house?

Nicki- why?

Meek- so we can talk, in private.

Nicki- ok

..

Nicki- you wanna hold him?

Meek- not right now. I just wanna talk

Nicki- o-ok. About what?

Meek- why did you decide to keep him?

Nicki- when I saw him on the ultrasound, he had eyes and a mouth and a heart. He looked like you.
And then they showed me the video of how they do it and I just could go through with it. I didn't want him to feel any pain.

Meek- I'm glad you kept him but I wish you would have told me sooner.

Nicki- I know but I was just scared

Meek- scared of what?

Nicki- scared that you would yell at me. I thought you hated me.

Meek- I never hated you. I was just very disappointed in you for making that decision without considering my feelings. If you didn't want him I would have took him Nicki. There was no reason for you to consider getting rid of him.

Nicki- but I didn't

Meek- but the fact that you got so close still pisses me off. Look at him.

I wiped the tears from under my eyes.

Nicki- I'm sorry. I just knew that if it came down to me having to raise him by myself, I wouldn't be able to do it.

Meek- how do you know that? You wasn't even gonna try?

Nicki- I'm not financially stable. I work and go to school. Where in that does a baby fit? I didn't want to have to struggle raising him like my mother did with me and my brother. Look at us? I'm an ex stripper and he's dead. I just thought that it would be best for us.

Meek- I told you I wanted you to have him. What would make you think I would leave him or you?

Nicki- a baby changes things Meek. It changes people too. My father was there for me my first few years of life and then he just left.

Meek- but in not him

Nicki- but you could be. You can leave whenever you want and your consequence would be paying child support. I'm the mother, I just can't leave when things get rough like you can.

Meek- I'm not gone leave you ok? Do you understand that?

Nicki- yes

Meek- I promise.

Nicki- ok

Meek- now come here

I got up and he pulled me onto his lap. He looked at me and used his hands to wipe under my eyes.

Meek- I love you

Nicki- I love you too

Meek- thank you for doing the right thing and having him. You don't know how much it means to me.

I nodded and laid my head on his shoulder.

Meek- you want me to take you home now?

Nicki- I would stay but I have nothing here for him.

Meek- I got some stuff in there.

Nicki- when did you get that?

Meek- i told you I been knowing for 2 weeks that you was pregnant.

Nicki- why didn't you call me?

Meek- because I wanted you to think that I didn't know. I wanted to see if you would call me when you went into labor.

Nicki- I'm sorry I didn't....

Meek- it's cool. Draya had already agreed to call me even if you did or didn't. Now if I would have missed it things wouldn't be like this right now.

Nicki- what do you mean like this?

Meek- me letting you off as easy as I did

Nicki- you call that easy?

Meek- I didn't yell at you or curse you out like I should have so yeah.

Nicki- well I'd hate to see your mean then.

Meek- I don't want you too. You hungry?

Nicki- what do you have?

Meek- I went to the store. I can cook for you.

Nicki- oh nah, I'll do the cooking. You can just be baby daddy right now and hold him.

Meek- fine then" he chuckled

Nicki- we both know you can't cook.

I looked through the kitchen trying to figure out what I was going to cook while Meek and Razah bonded.

Meek- you know I made that bank account for you.

Nicki- you did?

Meek- yeah

Nicki- that's nice, but I don't want it.

Meek- why not?

Nicki- I'd rather you put it in Razah's name so he never has to struggle.

* I LITERALLY LOVE THIS NAME! ITS SO UNIQUE.
* DID NICKI MATURE A LITTLE IN JUST THE FIRST 3 DAYS OF BEING A MOTHER OR WHAT?