Never to be Uttered

SPOKEN: I'm unwanted

My ear was rested on the cold yet soft carpeting of my bedroom. Tears continued to soak my cheeks and I knew they were pink, my eyes felt sticky; every time I closed them and tried to open them again they'd peel apart like false eyelashes and the edges of your eyelids. I could hear my parents arguing, they were arguing about me.

My parents always argued about me, I was their biggest mistake. They hated that I wasn't outgoing, that I didn't have boyfriends or parties, they practically wished for me to be rebellious or a little troubled and always ended up disappointed if I wasn't.

My parents were the popular kids in high school and my mother wanted me to be like her; get acting gigs and be a model; instead I ended up listening to comedy gigs at a diner nearby after school while being a role model to kids who want to play the piano but can't afford one. Dad wanted me to marry an athlete who was loaded so he wouldn't have to provide for us or worry that I wasn't being well taken care of.

Though mother never uttered the words, I knew she hated me. She hated that I ruined her life, mother was no longer as fit as she once was to model anything and everything besides sweats, she didn't have anything interesting to say at her meetings with her model friends besides, 'she made the honor roll again'.

I didn't do friends, the only person that seemed to be my friend would be my little sister who is transgender, once was a boy and now a girl named Jane. She got both sides of me, she knew the girly part and the tomboy part and was always there. She was a fourteen year old sweetheart with friends, guys drooling over her and loved her basketball.

"You're her mother! You need to go fix her!" My father yelled and another round hit me, tears streamed down my cheeks, my breathing pattern became unusual and I could hear my sniffs, abnormal heartbeat and whimpers escaping me. I felt as if I was drowning and there was a crowd but no one cared enough to save me because I was a lost cause that if was revived would be a wasted body.

"HEY!" I heard someone yell.

"We can hear you and my big sister doesn't need fixing! YOU PEOPLE NEED FIXING!!!" I heard Jane yell at our parents and if I wasn't already humiliated then I would've went down there, calmed her down and apologized for her behavior even though she was standing up for me.

"NOW I'M GOING TO CHECK ON YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER, LIKE YOU, THE PARENT SHOULD BE DOING!" Jane yelled and I heard her running upstairs, I felt my lips pinch together and turn upwards into a small smile then I heard her bust open my door, slam it shut and lock it before she threw herself on me, causing me to laugh.

"Are you okay Orchid?" My sister asked me and I smiled at her.

"Yeah." I answered and she smiled.

"How about we play video games and eat lots of junk food!" My sister suggested.

"Sounds good." I answered and she smiled.

She wiggled off of me and went to her room; we had a connecting bathroom, one door to my room and one to hers, so we usually travelled through them. She made her way to her room to access her secret stash and brought back some candy and chips as I popped in Mario Kart.

We ate loads of food since we skipped dinner with my aggravated parents and stayed up until midnight.

__________________________

It was a lovely Sunday afternoon and I was getting ready for therapy. My parents thought that me having a person in my life outside of the family would help but he was more like a personal diary and a college psychology major student.

I slipped into a green with blue flowers jumper and white lace flats. I slipped my hair into a ponytail and ran downstairs, my parents left for brunch and Jane was already out with her friends at a party. I made myself a to go bottle of chocolate milk and made my way to my car, it was a nice silver pick up truck. 

The ride to my therapist wasn't long it was a nice distance from his college and my house near the outskirts of town with a beach view. I settled onto the elevator with a few others and rode up stopping at about every floor which did irritate me but I hid it as some came and went but by my floor I was the only one to get off. I guess I'm the only one with problems. I shrugged my shoulders and walked to Jake's door and wrapped my knuckles on the dark wood. A moment later Jake had opened the door and I smiled at him.

"Ready?" I asked him and he smiled at me as he opened the door wider so I could enter which I did. Jake had the coffee table prepped for our lunch and set his phone timer before we settled on the floor with our shoes off and opened our containers of food. I had some bakery bread, salami, pepperoni, cheese and french fries. Jake had a nice tuna melt with some potato chips and we shared a smoothie with separate straws his was blue and mine was purple.

"How have you been?" He asked with his mouth full.

"Good. I mean, my parents fought about me again and Jane defended me again and I cried again." I said and he nodded.

"Your parents wanted me to inform you that you'd be sent off to boarding school." He said and I started choking on my salami, Jake got up and patted my back until I spit out the salami in a napkin. 

"BOARDING SCHOOL?" I yelled.

"Yeah, they think some time away would help and I agree." He said and I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked hurt.

"Your parents are obviously emotionally and mentally hurting you and Jane just wants better but she also has a lot of problems and you're at the age of finding yourself and becoming independent though you sorta are already you should try figuring out who you really are without your parents pressure." Jake said and I rolled my eyes.

He was telling the truth and I wanted Jane to have as close to a normal childhood she could get. I just didn't want to leave her. This was way out of my comfort zone and my parents would be satisfied with me for once.

"What boarding school?" I asked.

"Extraordinaire Prep." He answered and I nodded.

"When do I leave?" I asked him.

"Monday." He said and I nodded. I had this weekend.

"Great." I said.

I hated that my parents always gave me terrible news by having Jake tell me. It was like they didn't know how to talk to me, I'm a freaking human how could you not?

"Chip?" He offered and I shook my head.

I pulled the band out of my hair letting my shoulder length lavender hair fall from its little ponytail.

"It's for the best." He reminded me and I shrugged.

"I need a nap." I said and cleaned up my side of the table before crawling onto his couch and laying down.

"Feel free to try hypnosis." I told Jake, he chuckled and laid down near the couch.

"Not this time." He said and I smiled.

I turned to my side, my face inches from the leather and I felt a blanket being put on me before I dozed off.