Never to be Uttered

UNSPOKEN: SELF PROCLAIMED IDIOT

I entered Grits and Nicholas rested in the booth we met at yesterday. I made my way over to him and he smiled at me once he saw me approach the booth and slide into the opposite seat of him.

"Hey." He said as I settled in and looked at the menu.

"Hi." I replied as I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

"You alright?" He asked and I wanted to slap myself, sighs were a big giveaway to know someone was sad or pissed or something and since I didn't want any questioning I didn't intend for someone to ask about how I was; therefore I made a mistake by sighing.

"Yeah, just tired." I lied and he nodded.

"So you're leaving today?" He asked me and I nodded again.

"What time?" He questioned.

"My dad sent a driver here at six." I answered not making eye contact and waiting for a waiter.

"Oh, well then lets go. We have plenty of time to knock a few things off my list." He said with a grin that touched ear to ear.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"I have a few things for us to do together before you leave, now lets get a move on." He said and I smiled and set my menu down. I had to admit I was sort of sad, I wanted to indulge on Grits's extra cheesy all toppings pizza but I guess that'd have to wait.

"Walking okay with you?" He asked and I nodded since I didn't drive here in the first place.

"Where first?" I asked him as he pulled out his phone and started texting someone.

"I thought we could start off with a hot dog." He said as we approached a short line to a hot dog stand and I shrugged as we joined it.

The wait was only a couple of minutes because some people were indecisive but I was fine waiting.

"Howdy Nicholas." The man said to Nicholas.

"Hi Jorge. Can I get a regular hot dog, no mustard and less on the ketchup? Please." Nicholas ordered.

"And for the lady?" Jorge asked after handing the hot dog to Nicholas.

"I'd love a sausage no sauce." I said and he nodded then handed me my order and I flashed him a small grin.

I thanked him and they said their goodbyes as we slowly walked off. We ended up walking around the central park which had excellent greenery. We ate a little but I couldn't come up with any conversation starter so I was relying on him but that was idiotic because he wasn't saying anything either, just wolfing down his hotdog.

"Where are we going?" I asked him. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't be with a guy I met yesterday around town and not telling anyone.

"You'll see." He said with a smirk. I'm dead, aren't I? I'm going to regret this.

"Great." I said cheerfully but I was extremely worried. Thanks a lot Jake, if it wasn't for you I could've had some common sense and stayed at Grits.

"I never asked, at least I don't think so but do you have a boyfriend?" Nicholas asked me as I took another bite of my sausage and bread.

He stared at me for an answer after a brief moment since I didn't answer and I gave him a closed mouth smile as I chewed. I eventually swallowed and answered, "No." He nodded his head and finished his hotdog and I finished my sausage thing. We threw our trash away at a nearby garbage can and continued walking, now near beach view houses.

"Why not?" He asked me and I raised an eyebrow. He glanced at me to see me staring at him with a confused expression on my face.

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?" He asked. I was still confused, like how in the world would I know why no one is into me? Well, there's Jake but that's just a confusing mess.

"Do you not like guys, went through a bad break up, don't trust guys? What's up?" He asked.

"Okay, Mr. Nosy Pants, I just don't have one; simple as that. I like guys, I obviously trust them or I wouldn't be here with you and I haven't went through a break up. I mean I've dated but they were little kid dating you know lets chill at the movies, closed mouth kiss at the door; nothing serious." I answered and he nodded again.

I stopped in my tracks and he did too, he turned around giving me a confused look and watching me intently.

"Why are you so curious about me?" I asked him.

"I'm a curious person." He said back and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I remember this just being a lunch thing, we grab a bite and talk a little before doing our own thing. One I barely know you, two no clue where we're going and you could be trying to kill me or kidnap me or whatever and three you're being way too up in my grill with no reason besides mere curiosity." I said and he seemed shocked at my mini blow up.

"You think I'd hurt you?" He asked, kind of hurt.

"I don't even know you, I don't know what to think." I said and his eyes darkened, his jaw clenched and he seemed scary. I sucked in a breath and held it. He took one step to me and I took one step back. He inched towards me and I nervously walked back wards. Every step forward for him was a step back for me.

"Stop moving." He said and I noticed his voice now ran cold. I stopped, I don't know why but I did. He was now right in front of me, not even a foot between us. I could smell his hotdog a little but he smelled pretty minty and his lavender detergent was faint. He looked down in my eyes and I looked up in his.

He wrapped his arms around my mid back and a shiver ran up my spin, I rested my hands on his forearms as I stared, lost in his eyes.

"I would never hurt you Orchid." He said softly but it sounded like there was demand in his voice. I bit my lip as I lost myself in his eyes because for some reason they did strike fear in me but they also made me feel safe.

"I promise." He whispered.

"Do you believe me?" He asked and I had a tingling sensation in my brain for a brief moment. I felt goosebumps all over my arms but when I looked at them they weren't visible. I swallowed a lump in my throat and took a deep breath before I lifted my eyes up into his.

"I don't know you." I said and I broke away from him, he stared at me. Pain clear in his eyes, cheeks getting red and I got scared, really scared.

"I'm sorry." I said knowing my eyes were about to well up. I looked at him once more before running back in the other direction. I ran until I knew where I was and stopped for a break.

If I went to Grits then Nicholas would find me, if I went home then I'd deal with my parents, if I went to Jake he'd be hurt. There was no where for me to be. No where to feel safe or happy or okay. I panted as I thought over somewhere to go and I finally thought of a place. I ran to makeout point. No one would ever think to find me there and I knew a good secret location to hide there.

I saw a few people around school there but luckily they didn't see me and I walked through the tall grass into an average sized opening and I sat down near the lake that rested in the middle of it all. There were swans and ducks floating in the water with frogs on lily pads and little fish at the bottom. The creatures didn't get worried when I sat beside them which I found weird but nice.

Jake: I'm sorry

Once I looked at that message I let my tears fall, every tear I contained I let fall. After sobbing for a good ten or less minutes I stopped because I felt a painful headache begin and I started taking deep breaths. I looked at the message again and sighed.

Me: You did nothing wrong.

I was being a complete jerk to Nicholas and Jake. Sure, I didn't know and was surprised but I'm not the type of person to date or deal with lovey dovey situations and in a way I just played Jake. I kissed him and ran off, I made him feel bad and I messed up. I messed everything up. Everything's so overwhelming, Jake has liked me for so long and I had no clue, Nicholas likes me, my parents hate me more than usual, Jane and I haven't spoke for what feels like forever but was about two days and I'm at make out point. Alone, so things haven't changed much but still.