Saved By Mikey Way

Chapter 5: Desolation Row

I couldn't sleep at all I could think about was what could have been. I felt terrible, I wasn't hungry nor was I thirsty. I sat in my room alone with a six pack of beer, a zodlka and a king size pack of cigarettes. I haven't had an alcoholic drink since 2005 so that's like six years. I stopped drinking when I got hired at the day care. I had too. But I don't go back to work for almost three weeks so fuck it. I just felt horrible and I wanted to escape that and nothing else was doing it. I drowned myself in the alcholic beverage and watched a scary movie. I'm most likely going to not remember this when I wake up tomorrow. I know Frank and the guys are playing tonight. They're really good. They're probably already started, it's eight thirty so yeah. I sank into the couch and watched the movie while taking big gulps of the drink in my hands. I don't know what made me do it but the next thing I know I'm walking to the concert. It was pitch black and it had just rained. The air was cold so I wore my leather jacket over a red tee shirt. I had on a pair of black jeans that weren't skin tight. I'm twenty six I will refused to wear skin tight jeans. My blonde hair tied back. I marched down the streets having one thing in mind. Get to the concert. I know I'm completely smashed and if I have another beer I'll probably take one step and fall flat on my face. But I don't care. I'm what you called. Stubborn. I didn't feel any thing right now and it was fucking fantastic. The way I didn't feel the physical or emotional pain was amazing. It was like nothing had ever happened. This was all because some ass hole hit my two little brothers with a car. The memory was fresh clean in my head. I saw it all happen. That really fucks a person up. 

January 1990.

I played with my little brothers, Luke and Cameron ooutside in the snow while the rest of the kids played inside our some where else. We weren't supposed to the main road because it was dangerous but thats where the best snow was for making a fort. I wore my jacket, mits, hat and boots while Luke and Cameron were wearing their entire snow suits. They were pretty cute waddling around like little penguins. I packed the snow into a brink shaped thing and piled it up onto the wall we built. Luke and Cameron would go across the street to gather more, I knew it was dangerous and that I should say some thing about it. But they seemed happy and content. I wasn't going to stir them up. I could barely see with the snow blowing in my eyes and the hot tears rolling down my cold face. I didn't see much but I heard everything. The roaring engine coming down the icy street. It's tires squealing on the icy road. I heard the two different blood curdling cries echo the air around me. I spun around to see two small bodies lying on the ground, bloody and masacured. Then everything else was a blur. I remember seeing a woman and two boys come running towards us. I was covered in blood as I stayed between my two brothers. I looked at one of the boys, he had matted black hair that was long and wild. His had pail skin and the white of the snow made his hazel eyes brighten. The older boy ran up to his mom, who was knelt down beside me. 

"Mom!" He called attempting to run up to her. She snapped her gaze up at him. 

"Gerard stay there!" She hissed back at him. 

"Take Mikey back into the car." She demanded. He nodded and did as told. 

I stopped dead in my tracks when I remembered that. My heart stopped and my head was tail spinning. I couldn't feel a thing. Right now I wish I could. I wanted to feel the pain all over again. I wanted the scar to be ripped open so all the bad could escape and that I would know this was real. Three months after the accident my parents spilt. I shook my head and started walking again. I didn't want any thing to get in the way of me getting Frank to remember. I don't care if I have to start from the beginning and make him believe me. He has to know that I kissed him on gradutation day and that I've had this stupid little crush on him since I ran into him when I ran out of the girls' bathrooms at Queen of Peace. He has to know. That things were different. I swallowed hard as I waited across the street from the concert hall. The music was loud enough I could hear it from out here. I wanted to go in but there was like a riot of people ouside wanting to get in. I started to have second blurry thoughts about this. I stepped carefully towards the crowd of people. My nerves began to feel electric at the ends. I wanted to get in. Now. I moved through the crowd, my body being tossed around like a rag doll. I made my way to the front of the crowd. I was getting beer spilt on me. Then I don't remember what happened next.