How To Love A Dead Boy

Chapter 6 | Desperate to Forget

DESPERATE TO FORGET

Fragments of flames, blood and a burning body flash before my eyes. I scream but nobody can hear my cries for help as I run down the road. The sky is dark and rain pelts against my face. There are bloody fingerprints on my shirt from my own hands, only it's somebody else's blood.

I run faster and faster but there's no end to the narrow road.

Eventually, from exhaustion, I fall to my knees, scraping them against the road. Sobs involuntarily come from my mouth and tears mix with the raindrops rolling down my face. I look up and the boy is standing before me. We stare at each other for a second, before he smiles.

He offers me a bloody hand and I take it.

I open my eyes to darkness. Blood is pumping in my ears and I can feel a layer of sweat on my brow. I sit up from the bed and swing my legs over the edge of the mattress. For a moment, I sit, hunched over, grasping the bed sheets beneath me.

Another night, another dream which mutates my memories of the crash with imagination and makes me question my sanity. I take a deep breath in and out to attempt to calm down my racing heart before glancing at the alarm clock on my beside table; 6.59am.

I stare at the time until it clocks over to seven o'clock and the alarm buzzes. Just as I reach forward to turn it off, my bedroom door opens. Hearing the squeak of the hinges, I snap my head to the door and the light suddenly flicks on. I shield my eyes for a moment until I notice the familiar figure standing at my door.

"Dad?" I ask, my eyes focusing. Dad stands at the doorway, a weary smile upon his face.

"Hello Lucy," he replies, opening his arms for a hug. Without a second thought, I get up from the bed and run over to him. He holds me in his arms and I wrap my arms around him tightly.

"You chose the worst week to go away," I mumble into his suit. At my words, he lets go of me and steps back, placing his hands on my shoulders. There's a very concerned look upon his face.

"Why didn't you call me Lucy? I could have pulled some strings and have come home a couple of days later, instead of almost a whole week," he says. I look away from his worried eyes and bite the inside of my lip.

"I... I didn't want you too freak out too much," is all I can think to say in the moment.

"So instead I find out through my sister in law that my daughter is attending the funeral of a boy in who she was involved in a car accident with? I almost had a heart attack Lucy!" he exclaims.

I glance at him, making eye contact for a moment. There's a very brief look of anger and frustration on his face, but it's defeated by the smile that comes to his lips as he pulls me in for another hug.

"But you're okay and that's all that matters," he says, "Don't ever do that to me again."

I smile to myself, enjoying the fact this may be the first time since the crash that I've really felt okay. Being in dad's arms was the first normal thing to happen to me and I didn't want the moment to end, but even though I loved my dad, his major downfall always seemed to get in the way of a good moment.

"What did Johanna have to say about this?" he asks. I instantly cringe, stepping back from his hug.

"Not much, really. I guess I didn't expect anything too much from her," I reply, scratching at something on my arm. He snickers.

"She doesn't like to surprise us too often, does she?" dad asks. I can't help but break a small smile.

Silence falls between the two of us temporarily. A thought comes to my mind and I figure that while I have dad alone with me now, I should probably ask him about it. I sigh.