How To Love A Dead Boy

Chapter 12 | From The Depths

FROM THE DEPTHS

I frown down at my mobile phone. My finger hovers over the button of a green phone icon while I stare at the screen where Cameron's name is selected. I want to so badly call him and tell him everything that had happened on the stairwell at school today. I need to apologise to him, over and over again so that he'll talk to me.

Becoming frustrated with myself, I throw the phone across the room and collapse back onto my bed. I fold my hands over my chest and hold my injured palm, which will have to be re-bandaged soon. Lying there, I stare up at the ceiling of coloured birds. They hang, still, above me, and even though they're only paper birds, I can feel them judging me.

How could you be so selfish Lucy? A yellow bird spits.

Cameron has never done any wrong against you; he's always been there by your side. Did you really expect him to be able to comprehend the fact you can now see his dead friend? One of the baby blue origami birds asks, looking down at me with disgust.

And what about Melanie, huh? What did she ever do to you but be faithful and helpful? And in return, you framed her and got her in trouble with the Godamn principle. This time it's a red bird talking to me, his anger expressed by his paper body.

I close my eyes so that I can't see the birds anymore. But even in the safe haven of darkness, a little voice from the depths crawls its way into my consciousness.

You know, technically, none of this is your fault, it says.

What do you mean? I ask.

None of this would have happened if it weren't for Ryden. He brought all of this upon you. He's the one who manipulated you to see his memoires, causing the mirror shard. He's the reason why Cameron thinks that you're crazy and a bitch. He's the reason Melanie no longer likes you. And he's also the reason why Melanie now knows your secret, which she will most likely tell everyone and anyone who she comes across. He'll be the reason you become the freak of the school Lucy, and he doesn't even have the politeness to apologise or even be around in this time of need, the slimy voice explains.

I frown and lick my lips.

It's true. He hadn't been there when I returned to the stairwell to collect all the papers I'd tossed aside to run after Melanie. He wasn't there when I came home and checked the bathroom mirror. He'd vanished, I remind myself.

See? What good is he? What good has he brought to you? The voice asks.

My eyes flicker open and I sit up in bed. I run my non-bandaged hand through my hair and breathe in deeply. What was I thinking? Blaming this on Ryden? I shouldn't have to remind myself that he's also a victim in all of this.

He died that night. His life is over. Don't let him ruin yours! The voice returns, yelling at me and sounding just as frustrated as I'm feeling. I bit down hard on my lip.

"Shut-up," I murmur under my breath.

Thankfully, silence peruses and I find it in me to calm my mind just for a moment before the mobile phone begins ringing. The room fills up with the tacky ringtone and I can hear it vibrating against the floor. The first thought that comes to my mind is that it might be Cameron.

I jump from the edge of the bed and land on the floor, resting on my knees, and pick up the phone. I press a button to answer and put the phone to me ear.

"Cameron?" I exclaim into the phone.

"No, it's Noah. Check the caller ID next time brainless. Anyway, can you check to see if we need any milk for tomorrow? I'm just on my way home now and I couldn't get a hold of dad," Noah tells me.