I STARED AT THE WINDOW from outside the cheap-looking diner. Standing in the darkest corner of the street, while the rain slowly soak me from under the tree, my sobs were drowned down by the howl of the wind. Tears were streaming down my eyes as I watched for the hundreth time the scene unfolding in front of me.
Min Yoongi... kissing another girl.
I felt my heart gave a painful thump with every move the two of them makes. Without realizing it, my hand went straight to my chest to clutch it... to give at least a little support to my breaking heart.
Just like how my tears mixed up with the drops of rain that fell on my face, my emotions were also swirling and mixing inside me.
I felt hurt. Betrayed.
But I also felt scared.
There's this part of me that just wanted to end this fucked up relationship already. Would I really want to spend most of my life quietly following Yoongi whenever he says he has an appointment or something? Only to find out that he'd just meet up with yet another girl?
Sure, I should be expecting that since he's a very famous personality in this country. And being an artist, many girls were dying to get a bite out of him. But if Yoongi wasn't hiding the fact that he already is in a relationship, then I wouldn't be worrying as much. The only comforting thought I have is that, at least he keeps on hooking up with different girls on different nights. And that, at the end of the day, he would always come home to me.
I am the only constant girl in his life, and though I know I shouldn't, that gives me pride. And it also gave me a reason not to leave him.
So yes. Maybe I'm a masochist. Maybe I'm a martyr. But what can you do? Just thinking about leaving him rips me into a thousand pieces. If watching him lie to me was already crippling, him leaving me would be a thousand times worse than this.
So I held my silence.
As the scene in front of me progresses, and a loud sob escaped my lips, I knew I had enough. Covering my mouth with my hand, I pulled the hood up my head and left.
I FOUND MYSELF downing a bottle of beer in a bar near my house. I wasn't sure how I got there, but I know that after I left that diner, I was like a zombie walking aimlessly while the pain in my chest numbed me from everything else.
Feeling dizzy already, I checked my watch. I yelped internally when I saw that already two hours had passed. I hastily took my wallet from my purse and left a huge sum of money on the table.
I hobbled on my feet as I exited the bar. People stared at me as I walk but I don't care. They were probably wondering why a soaking wet girl drunk made herself this drunk.
But I'm not really that drunk. I think I am already immune to the effects of alcohol.
I walked down the dark alley leading to my house. The painful cold of the rain a welcome escape from the turmoil in my heart.
When I reached the front of my house, I scrambled to get my keys from my purse. After trial and error from jamming my keys to the keyhole, I finally succeeded in opening the door.
The lights were already on when I entered. Blinking hard to adjust my eyes to the sudden brightness, I saw the Yoongi was sitting on the couch, glaring at me.
"Do you know what time is it?" he asked, his voice controled.
"Huh?" I slurred, and blinked again to get a better view of him. The beautiful features of his face made me want to smile, so I grinned at him.
But that only seemed to irritate Yoongi more.
"Why are you grinning? What? Are you drunk?" Yoongi stood up and went straight to me, his face switching from irritation to anger.
"You are drunk! Why? Who did you go drinking with? And why are you wet? Did you walk through the rain?" He asked again but I just stared at his face, the sight of him suddenly bringing back painful memories.
"Are you crying?" Yoongi asked incredulously.
"Yoongi... do you love me?" I asked.
"Of course," he replied without hesitation.
"Do you have other girls than me?" I asked again.
This time, a look of shock passed through his face. He hesitated before he answered, "No. Of course, not. You're my only girl."
I felt my heart gave a painful squeeze and I gasped in pain.
"Are you okay?" Yoongi asked.
I shook my head and cried. Just cried while he held me. I just cried out all the pain I've been keeping inside... All the hurt. Yoongi pulled me closer as he asked me what's wrong, his voice frantic. I didn't give him any answer, though. I just grabbed a handful of his shirt and clung to him as I cried.
I felt my knees gave while I cry and I slowly slid down to the floor while Yoongi carefully held me. He kept on asking what's wrong but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that I know he's lying. I couldn't because he might get angry and leave me for good.
So I just continued to cry while he held me, whispering stuffs in my ears, rubbing my back with his hand, smoothing my hair and giving me soft kisses.
I'm not sure if I were only imagining things but the kisses he gave me felt like an apology. But I'd never know.
When I finally grew tired enough, my cries slowly died down. And as I gave my last sob before surrendering myself to sleep, I heard Yoongi whispered, "I'm sorry."
~ end ~
Merry Christmas everyone!!!
