Join the Club. (An Oliver Sykes not so lovely love story.) *EDITING/REWRITING*

Choices.

"Ben?" I ask, finding my voice after the silence that surrounded us after Ben kissed me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. You have Oli and-" I cut him off by pressing my lips to his once again. I don't know why, but it felt good. Kissing Ben. I've been longing to feel this since I met him when I was 15 and he was 16 almost 17. I feel somewhat guilty, but it doesn't matter. I'm overjoyed at kissing Ben finally.  

"But I thought you liked Oliver?" Ben asks, pressing his forehead against mine after pulling away from our kiss. "I do....I mean.....I don't know...." I mumble, looking down at the ground to ignore his piercing gaze. "Seriously....wow....I uh....wow...." Ben says, slipping out of my grip and making his way to the back lounge. Before I can even react I hear loud music blaring and know I shouldn't bother him. God am I a screw up. 

"What's up?" James asks, coming into the bunk hall to put his shirt away and grab his laptop. "Nothing...nothing at all.." I say, shaking away any feeling from the kiss Ben and I shared not 5 minutes ago. My lips still tingle, my heart still races, but it doesn't feel....right....it doesn't feel like it did with Oliver... No! Stop thinking like that, Trysten! You just kissed Ben! Shouldn't I be happy...? I shake away any thoughts of the recent events and make my way to the front of the bus to hang out with the rest of the guys until I get tired. 

"Truth or dare anyone?" Nicholls says, locking his phone and looking up with a hopeful look in his eye. "Fine." Sam says, putting away his phone and directing his attention to everyone. 

"Trysten, truth or dare?" James asks. sipping from his soda, directing everyone's attention to me. "Uhhhhh truth." I say, being somewhat ballsy since I never pick truth. "Who was your last kiss?" James asks, taking another sip of his Dr. Pepper. "Uh....Ben.." I almost whisper, yet everyone still heard me. "Wh-what." Oliver says, looking at me from across the table. "You have to be fucking kidding me right now. Please tell me you're kidding." he says, seeming hurt. I don't know why, he never showed much interest in me other than for a one night stand. "She's telling the truth, mate." Someone says from behind me. I turn around and see Ben standing there, smirking. Soon after I hear the bus door open and quickly slam shut. 

"Fuck." I mutter under my breath, feeling hot tears spring up in the corners of my eyes. "Go get him, someone." Danny directs, then turns his attention to me. "Why?" he asks, looking at me with simpathy in his eyes. Sam and James just watch as everyone else has gone to find Oliver since it's best he's not alone when he's angry. "I...I don't know.." I say, collapsing into my brothers arms, burying my head into his neck. "Shhh. It's okay. He'll forgive you." Danny says, petting my hair and pulling me into his lap to hold me close. "I- hope so." I say between sobs.

I don't know why I'm crying so much. I mean, Oliver and I wern't dating, and it didn't feel the same with Ben as it did with Oli. I can't shake the feeling of rejection though no matter how bad I try. Oliver ran off about an hour ago, and I've been crying into my brothers chest since. Ben is just standing there smirking in the doorway, getting a few rude remarks from James and Sam every once and a while. "Tired?" Danny asks after I stifle a yawn into his shirt. I just nod and continue to let silent sobs leave my body like prisoners being released after years of being held back. I cry over Ben, but I mostly cry over Oliver. He hates me now. I feel like dirt.

"I'm going to bed...." I whisper into my brothers neck. He just nods and carries me to my bunk. "We're going to find out what's up with Oliver. James is staying in though. Just call him if you need anything okay?" Danny says, kissing my head and squeezing me tightly. "I love you, Danny." I say after I release his neck. "I love you too princess, it's all going to be okay." Danny reassures me and then leaves. After a while the crying picks up again. "Trysten?" James says, opening the curtain to my bunk. "What.." I say, trying to hold back the tears that just keep falling. "He doesn't hate you. He's just confused. Trust me. He would be stupid to let this ruin what you have. I love you. We all love you. Please calm down, love." he says. I can hear the pain in his voice. "I love you too. I hope not...." I say, finally getting the tears to stop flowing.

"Hey there's that pretty face. Do you need anything?" James asks, giving me a warm smile. "Can you please bring me my grapefruit juice?" I ask, forcing a small smile to appear on my lips. James quickly disappears and reappears with a glass of grapefruit juice and a box of tissues. God these boys are too good to me. "Thank you. It means a lot. I'm going to try and sleep. I love you." I say, snuggling up into my blankets. "I love you too. Goodnight, I'm here if you need anything." James says as he shuts the door to the bunk hall. Sleep soon overcomes me, pushing me into a deep abyss of nightmares filled with an angry Oliver in my own personal hell.

~Next Day~

I wake up at about 2:30 the next day and it all falls on me. Oliver hates me and Ben probably does too. I make my way to the front lounge and find a note from my brother telling me that they're at sound check and they have interviews and such before the show that starts at 7:30. 5 hours of being alone. Hmm. I decide to get in a nice long shower since I have as much time as I want since no one else is pushing to get in. It feels nice.

I get out after quite a while and wrap myself in a towel, by now it's 3:15. I dress in a Motley Crue ripped shirt and black high waisted shorts with black vans. I dry and straighten my hair and do my makeup in a smokey eye. Hey, I have time to get ready for once without being rushed, I want to use it to the best advantage I can. I dance to my morning playlist the whole time I'm getting ready with no interruptions. It's nice to have time to myself for once. Don't get me wrong I love the guys so much, but I also like my space sometimes. 

By the time I finish it's already 5 o'clock. I decide to go get myself coffee at the near by Starbucks before the show. 

'Grande vanilla bean cappuchino." I say to the woman behing the counter as I pull out my credit card to pay. "It'll only be a minute." She says then shoos me away to the pick up counter. "Trysten!" The boy says, holding up my drink. "Thats me, thank you!" I say, taking the cup from him and walking out. Mmm this is exactly what I wanted. 

By the time I get back to the bus it's 6. That took longer than I thought. Hmph. I deiced to go on Tumblr and such until show time. Luckily nothing is up about me kissing Ben, thank god. I don't know what I would do if everyone found out about me kissing him. 

I think for a while after updating everything. I may love Ben, but he's my best friend. I didn't feel a spark when we kissed, honestly. But Oliver....I don't know. He's just...wow. I feel something when we touch, even if it's just us brushing past each other in the cramped hallway of the bus. I don't regret kissing Ben. Now I know that it's not meant to be and it never was. I get pulled out of my thoughts by a text from someone I never thought would text me considering recent events.

Oliverrrr- Can we please talk after the show?

Trysten- Of course, dear. I thought you were never going to ask. See you soon. Good luck x

He texted me back but I ignored it and started walking to the venue. Maybe things were going to be okay. 

-------------

The show went great. The crowd was wild. The boys all did fantastic. Oliver gestures for me to follow him outside and I happily do.

"Trysten, your brother explained everything. The kiss with Ben and stuff. I'm not mad and I don't hate you...but, why?" Oliver says, playing with his hands. "I needed to know if I felt anything. And I didn't...not what I feel with you..." I say the last part quietly, almost inaudible to anyone but myself. Oliver looks at me and in one swift movement our lips are attached in a gentle kiss. "I forgive you." Oliver whispers against my lips. I feel his lips gently peck mine and then he pulls me in to a hug. Things are getting better, I can feel it. Hopefully they stay like this. 

Opinions? I need some feedback....:/ Vote, comment, follow. This is what happens when I don't feel good. You get an update! Haha.

All my love.

~AlexisInWonderland<3