For Better, or for Worse.

Chapter 9

After everyone had finished eating the brownies Luke had brought in, we all head towards the living room to watch some tv. We are all seated in a "L" shape. Mother and Mario are to the far left, Gabrielle is to the far right next to Luke, and I am seated in the middle between Kevin and Luke.. again. 

I know that at times like this, when I have everyone by my side, I should cherish the moment and take it all in and keep it safe inside, especially when I'm not in the best living conditions with Kevin. I couldn't help but continue to think why, out of all people, must I have crossed paths with Luke. Isn't it almost, too coincidental? He walked into my room by accident in the hospital, he just happened to show up to the same coffee shop I was in before I was leaving, and he just happened to be a very important person to my mother and her brand name clothing. Not only that, but I couldn't get out the things he said to me the day of the coffee shop...

Flashback...

"You don't know what I'm into Luke!"

"Yes I do!" He stands up straight and is rigid, his facial expressions show sadness and worry. I'm confused.

"How?" I question him.

"Because..." He hesitates and sighs, "I know more of the situation then you think..."

"What?"

"Nothing" he says.
End of Flashback...

He knows.

I don't know how but he knows, he didn't take any of my bullshit, he knew that I was lying the second I tried to defend Kevin. Yet it made me question how, and why he knows more of situations like mine. Was he in an abused relationship? Were his parents like this?

I know that after everything I shouldn't test Kevin, but I take a glance up from my hands in my lap and look at Luke, only to find he is already looking at me. His brown eyes almost sparkle and I see that they jump from looking at my eyes, to my hands, to my black eye, just... Everywhere. I am confused. I haven't seen that look on anyone's face. Almost as if...

I look back down at my leg and hold in my yelp. Kevin's hand was on my thigh from under the blanket that covered both our legs, pressing down with pressure to get my attention. I look up from my lap to his eyes. There is a darkness in them that I couldn't see through.

I remember I used to be able to know what he was thinking with just one look through his eyes. But now there is and intensity in them that give me goosebumps. His eyes are locked into mine and I can't help but continue with equal intensity. I can't let him believe I am weaker.

Kevin looks back at Luke and I do too, only his eyes are back on the screen, laughing with everyone else at the screen. Yet Gabrielle's eyes were stuck on me. 

At this moment I decided to get up. I excuse myself and say my good nights, I drove a long way and knew that before anything, I needed to shower. I needed something to distract me, to get my head cleared from Kevin's eyes.

My mom turns to see me before I leave, "are you alright dear?"

"I'm alright mama" I respond. But I see the hesitation she has, wanting to say something else, "I promise mama." I say quietly, I give her a small smile. Luke was looking at me with concern. I quietly turned and made my way towards my old bedroom.

I still couldn't believe how much darkness was... is held between them. How much he's grown out of love, his eyes don't shine, they're rigid, full of jealousy and hatred, with an intensity that burns me to my core every time I look at them.

It hurt.

It hurt a lot to see those eyes like that everyday.

I stepped into my room and locked it behind me, knowing Kevin was right outside, I heard his boots drag behind me. I walk to the bathroom that is attached to the room and lock that door too. I take out a long towel from a cabinet and set it by the toilet. I look up into the long mirror and my vision blurs. I let the tears I've been holding in fall. They gently fall down my face, covering the bruise I had hidden underneath the poorly done makeup. I let them fall because I was tired, I was incredibly tired of having to hold everything in. Having to hold in the anger and trust I lost for my husband.

I turn on the shower head to the highest heat, and took off my sweater, making my small tank top expose all the fading and new bruises. I didn't care about the rest of my clothes. I only had on my leggings and tank top. I step in letting the water cover me. The bun knotted on my head feels heavy, being weighed down by the water. Noises from the showered begin to shed billions of the tears filling my ears, the thick cloud of steam began to escape from behind the curtain. I slid to the floor with my knees up, hugging them, and my body began to tremble. The mix of tears and drops of water filled my face. I was crying viciously. I attempted to cover the hiccuping with my hand, but I couldn't stop it. The noises of the drops splashing next to me remind me of Kevin's punches, his blows, the words he says that break me every time he repeats them. I couldn't stand them.

I look down at my small necklace and hold it between my fingers. My thumb can always make out the small "B". Then I am reminded of her all over again. His kicks only remind me of the day, the day the doctor told me that the damage from the "car crash" caused my Fallopian tubes to be damaged. I couldn't be a mom, not anymore. We lost our child that day. She was only 17 weeks in my stomach... Despite being pregnant with a man that saw violence as key, I loved her, I still love her. She was my only reason to live and to look forward to being happy. She was my Bella... My entire world. He gave and took her from me. And I never learned to live with that pain.

I continued to sob harder, I couldn't stop trembling. I felt the air beginning to get knocked out of me. I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

I didn't even hear the door open, and I was suddenly joined by another set of tears. I turned to face the person who, although didn't seem like it, was there for me, every moment I needed them, even now.

Gabrielle slid down outside the tub, and grabbed hold of my hand, both sobbing breathlessly, " I know Liz..." She spoke, trying to gulp our air from the steamy room. "I know."

This made the tears come down harder. The sounds of chokes echoed off the the bathroom walls. I couldn't breathe. We were wheezing, yet we sat there holding each other, with both our eyes, swollen from tears, we finally caught each others gaze. Her eyes didn't leave mine and she attempted to smile. It didn't work.

We still held each other and looked at each other. Gaby was the only person I knew I could count on. Yet I couldn't tell her about Kevin. She's incredibly smart, I know she has an idea of what is going on, but she doesn't show it. Her act of toughness and anger is only a mask, I know her heart is only gold, she's my everything.

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Edited