In A Heart Beat (a Castle Fan Fiction)

Chapter 15: Homecoming

"You killed her off? Bro, come on, what happened between you two that day? I mean she didn't talk to you for like three months and then you two clearly weren't yourselves around each other. It was like you were torn apart or something," Ryan had clearly not understood when Castle said he didn't want to talk about it. Kevin and Javier were sitting beside him after having helped him to his chair once the others had dispersed post-awkward fight between Beckett and him. 

"Ryan, I'm not discussing that now, or possibly ever with anyone but her. I have to apologize to her; I have to let her know that I didn't mean it. It was years ago and I was just angry with her. I swear, it was all just so stupid," as he turned his head the Kate's empty chair, the usual smile of cunning wit wasn't the one he wore. 

Javier and Ryan couldn't stand around and talk with him about this forever, no matter how much they wanted to. They all had to get back to work and try and save her life. When they finally realized that he wasn't going to talk, Kev and Espo left him to his thoughts, which were current torture to him. 

How could he have killed her off. He loved her. If she died the way he'd written, he would never forgive himself. He'd never be able to survive the thoughts that she died the way he'd killed her. It may as well have been that his hand was pulling the trigger. Why was it that even on his best days, he was still an ass? He didn't deserve her and she didn't deserve to die. Especially like that. 

It should be him. He should be the one to get shot or stabbed or hung from a flagpole. It should be him. She was innocent in this game, a bystander that was going to get hurt for being close to him. She should be taken off the board, an untouchable spare pawn. It wasn't right that she was in so much danger because of him. It wasn't justice. 

How was he going to get her out of this mess? 

Well, for one, obsessing over it and wallowing in self-pitty isn't helping. So do the right thing. Get the hell off this stupid train and get to work trying to save your love, he thought to himself. He picked up the case file and read it again, this time focusing on every detail and being sure to leave out self feelings. One thing still wasn't clear to him still. Why would a killer as smart and clean as 3XK who had a clear and simple MO get mixed up with a partner as wild and untamed as the Big Bang Bomber? It didn't make sense. 

He had links to the victims, but only he did. And he had a grudge against Beckett and him, but once again, only he did. The bombs were her thing, the targets were his choice, and the messages were split between the two. So what in the hell happened there? And why did they suddenly decide to bring the Naughty Vamp Killer into all of this? Tyson had used a fake name of an old French serial killer in the past, but that wasn't an indicator of anything except that he was trying to be funny, and failing. 

"Did you check for any prior links between Tyson and Riner? Or Tyson and Dever?" Castle asked, watching Nando sitting on the floor. He was almost just thinking to himself aloud, but Esposito heard him and turned to Shaw, who looked to Castle. 

"Yeah, there were no links between either. But Dever and Riner went to the same High School. Five years apart from each other though." In his usual state, Castle would have made some half ass joke, but as it was, he had to save the life if someone he loved, and joking wasn't an option. After taking a breath and skipping a beat, he heard something in his mind. The letter would have gone to his place. 

He stood up slowly, stepping painfully down toward the elevator, and as he passed Ryan's desk, he said, "Watch the baby. I have to go get that letter." Ryan nodded and stood to silently offer help, which Castle declined with a slap backwards in the air. 

As he went down in the elevator, he remembered all the times he had ridden in it with Kate and how many fights they'd had in it verses good times. The smaller disagreements, like whether they had a time traveling killer or not, were some of his favorite moments in there. Those moments were the lead up to knowing something more about Kate, something he hadn't before. Those were truly some of his favorite moments, and now he wasn't sure he'd ever get another one.