BLUE [lirry] [discontinued]

10: long

ten | i find i (long) for his touch more than anything

"It was like..." I keep mumbling, trying to find the words to explain the feelings that were overwhelming me, "it--"

"Stop rushing," Zayn scolds me, rubbing my shoulders as I sit on the floor of his living room, "take your time. It was a lot for five days, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," I sigh, "it was. But Z, he--he isn't just a one night stand to me. You know me. If it was, I would have already dropped it and him. But this time it sticks..."

"Why do you think? Okay wait--" he stops, taking a spoonful of chocolate ice cream and shoving it down his throat before persuading me to continue, "start from the one night."

"Okay," I say, keeping my breath steady, "we went back to his vacation house, and I spent a night there. The first of many. We woke up, I gave him a blowjob--"

"Saucy," he smirks, and I roll my eyes.

"--and then he was showing me around his house. It was a really lazy day, he showed me his name mural; and we put my name up there."

"That's special, don't you think?"

"My name, amongst many?" I question him and he shrugs.

"Sounded like a dream come true until you said that."

"I wanna snap his neck Zayn," I go on to say, growing infuriated all over again, "he played with me. He led me on and let me follow this trail of his love only to be left in the middle of the forest."

"Forest references? Are you lowkey Taylor Swift?"

"Zayn!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he chuckles, resting his hands on his knees, "I'm one hundred percent serious now."

"Okay," I sigh, "as I was saying, the entire trip in general was something I will never forget, and that's what I hate about it! He gave me the best fucking time of my life, and now he's gone!"

"How do you know he didn't just leave for a second?" He asks, and that reminds me; I need to show him the note. I hadn't looked at it since the night I tried to burn it (without success), but I left it in my bag. The note represents a painful reminder of the past, and that's what I need to stay aware.