BLUE [lirry] [discontinued]

11: sorry

eleven | saying (sorry) is a bit overdue

It feels weird to come to terms that I've done the unthinkable; fallen in love within a week's time. Zayn practically had me convinced by the time I was leaving him with a sorrowful goodbye. It had been awhile since we really had a decent talk, and I missed it.

It's also insane; the idea of it simply makes me sick and I want nothing but to wake up with amnesia. At this point, that's the only plausible cure; waking up and forgetting this month. Then maybe I would feel better moving into April.

My phone buzzes as I roll to a stop light. When my car halts I pick it up, reading Zayn's name on the screen.

Z: get some sleep, DON'T DRINK, and try and ease him out of your mind slowly. you've been trying to rid of him all at once, and that's simply not possible bud. take him like the tide, inch your way through it.

I smile, flipping my phone around as I read Zayn's endearing words. I was wrong; he does know what he's doing.

L: thanks z, i'm going to try. like, fr try this time lol. but seriously, you're great, god bless you.

Z: uh, don't go all church like on my ass.

The light turns green and I roll my eyes with a smile, dropping the phone on the dash and driving through the intersection.

What Zayn had suggested was definitely the plan; along with my own positive thoughts. I'm going to start tomorrow, cleansing my mind of that trip. I'm planning on calling Zayn a few days later to help with The Cleanse, as I'm naming it, but the first few steps have to be done by me, one hundred percent. I need to have a Taylor Swift perspective on this situation. Yeah, he's gone, but in losing him, I need to find myself. Oh god; maybe I am lowkey Taylor Swift.

The first step to this is getting rid of that godforsaken note. It's the main source of the nostalgia I can't seem to escape, so that's where I need to start. Whether I have to rip it or bury it, I will get rid of it.

My phone buzzes again and I look down to see that Zayn sent me an 8tracks link. I look ahead of me and see that the street is going to be straight for awhile. I groan, looking around for cops before I pick up my phone and press my code in.

Z: for the long drives we'll have, btw; http://8tracks.com/livinglavish/i-hate-you-i-love-you

I shrug, plugging in the AUX chord, clicking the link and letting 8tracks load before the newest Coldplay song blasts in my car. Great; it's not like this entire album is about the overwhelming positive power of love.

I skip 'Hymn For The Weekend' and it switches to a much more somber song, putting me in tune with the dark empty road ahead of me. I don't recognize the song, but nonetheless, I take myself and completely drown myself in it.

I miss times like these, when I'd be on my own, and I could just think with an open head. If it wasn't so cold, I would have all the car windows turned down, opening the space up even more.