BLUE [lirry] [discontinued]

20: lose myself

twenty | if i (lose myself) kill me before anyone finds out

Harry is next to me, but I'm so cold I can't even feel his skin against mine. My fingertips are grazing against his forearm in a continuous calming pattern, in an attempt to fall asleep. The air conditioning about us is blowing at full blast, being that it's one of the warmer nights. Even under the three layers of sheets, I can see my breath escape my lips in the dimly lit room. The dark blue LED lights outside the small window are the only thing that give off the light.

In three hours, I go on my first rescue mission. It had been categorized under protection, but Harry said we were getting the princess and another middle class worker out of her country. When he told me the story, I was more than awed at the situation she had at hand.

The princess had had the throne passed down to her about two years ago. She was set to marry the prince once the time came, but according to what the EYAD has figured out, the princess is a lesbian.

She fell in love, but being that she's the princess, she knows the laws. Homosexuals are hung in Kiribati, and apparently that's where they come in. Not only that, she may have information about the psycho murder out for my head.

So, as Harry stressed to me multiple times before he fell asleep with me, this mission is extremely important. It could change a lot in the case and everyone here is aware of that. Knowing this, they also want it to go extremely well. I don't think I've ever heard the word 'extremely' be used in such...extreme measures.

Knowing the impending success of this mission could change everything, I can't help but wonder why I had been called out to operate with the team. I'm so clueless when it comes to this life, and I'm just going to drag them behind.

But I want nothing more than to stop thinking about princesses and escape routes and rescue missions. Maybe my rescue mission from this painful reality I'm trapped in, but nothing else otherwise.

Will it ever go back to normal after this? Because if we don't catch Drake, I'm either going to be dead, or stuck down here for the rest of me life.

Neither option sounds pleasant, even if Harry will be around.

The rest of the night goes on in a similar pattern, laying awake until Harry rustles beside me, hours later.

"How'd you sleep?" He asks drowsily, his eyelashes fluttering against my bare back. This is the only good part of the job; waking up next to him and listening to the raw beauty embedded in his voice.

"I didn't."

"Nervous?"

"No," I say sarcastically, "one hundred percent confident in my skills."

"I know they're throwing you in without warning--"

"Which is why you should have said something."

"I tried Liam; I can only do so much."

"I wish you could do more..." I say, and he sighs, sitting up and cradling my chin in his hand.

"Me too."

Harry kisses my forehead before getting out of the bed,

"I have to go back to my room and get ready," he says quietly, "a prep team should be here soon, to get you ready and whatnot. You'll be taken to where the pilot is waiting. I'm not sure when we'll see each other next, but if it's in the field, then I can't help you much."

"Yeah, I figured," I sigh, leaning up and pressing my lips to his softly, "see you."