I still get Jealous //Dilmer

Chapter 8

I lay on Wilmer's chest, overthinking as I usually do. Then overthinking turns into panicking and that turns into full blown panic. I'm 23 and I'm pregnant on the peak of my career.

I'm going to have to look after a baby and I can barely look after myself.

What if they take away my baby because of my mental health?
What if I get stretch marks?
And How the hell do I get a baby out of my short ass?!?

Wilmer was asleep. He fell asleep watching a crime show after spending the full day googling "how to be a parent" and also assuring me everything was gonna be okay.

I was too distracted to even watch the show. We have a doctor appointment tomorrow and its some Canadian doctor I don't even know.
We're going to have to fly back to LA a couple of times. Wilmer even mentioned holding the show for a while which its stupid cause I'm only going to get more pregnant.

I felt Wilmer pull me into him and put his hand on my belly, rubbing.
He obviously loved this, he's been wanting a baby with me for a year. He woke up and dug his head into my neck.

"Are you asleep babygirl?" He whispered.
"No" I said softly back.
"What's wrong, you feeling sick again?
"No I'm just thinking", I said turning to face him.

"A baby's forever. All I've thought about today is the pain, I never thought of how the fate of a human lies with us.. It's scary, .....what if I fuck up?" I say quietly.
"Hey your not gonna fuck up" he replies cuffing my face. "I'm here for you and we're gonna raise a beautiful child together. Everything's fine Demi. Try to think more positively".

"Your right Wil, I didn't think I was even going to be able to get pregnant easily, I should be grateful".

"Yeah, there you go". He said kissing my neck and rubbing my back in a hug.

-
The next morning was the doctor appointment. Wilmer had to go straight to work afterwards.
We decided since I was pregnant to bring Natalie and Max over to look after me, Natalie suggested we go baby shopping to cheer me up abit.
To look at clothes and cots and toys and shit.

We got to the doctors office and went into a checkup room. I was getting a checkup as well as a check for the baby. I change into a blue gown and was really uncomfortable. Wilmer tied the string on he back for me, he knew how body conscious I was. He stroked the side of my face telling me how excited he was.
They checked the baby. It was hard to determine anything about it, but they confirmed I was 100% pregnant.

To my luck they also confirmed I'm at extreme risk of losing it. From my substance abuse and my eating disorders, I kind of saw it coming.
I looked to Wilmer who had tears in his eyes and I immediately felt guilty.
He could have had any woman in this world who's healthy and he decided to choose me to have his baby.
He looked so disappointed. I swear to god if I lose this baby because of one of my selfish acts I'll never be able to forgive myself. The doctor told us if I wanted, there are different meds I could take to help the baby develop better. He left the room to let us talk about it.

We sat in silence for a moment.
Wilmer's sadness turned to frustration. He huffed and put his head in his hands. I didn't blame him for being pissed off but he was acting like a dick.

"Alright Dems, no more bullshit" he said sternly.

"What the fuck Wilmer?" I said loudly tearing up. "Don't talk to me like a child". *Why's he acting like I can control my disorders? If he didn't want a baby with me he shouldn't have fucked me. Period.*

"No Demi it's no longer all about you, it's about this little human being"

"What are you talking about? Do you really think I would do anything to harm our baby?! And get off your fucking high horse" I said angrily.

"Demi don't lie to me. Try to tell me now that you don't still restrict your food. Tell me you don't binge drink when your upset. Just the other night I heard you throwing up the dinner I made you".

"Wilmer stop being a dick I don't need this shit" I said crying.

"Yeah and clearly you don't need me either." He said getting up and heading for the door.
I ran over to block him.

"Wait what are you doing? I do need you! I can't do this without you! You can't just run away".

"I'll get a hotel room, Just text me when your done being pathetic" he said harshly.

"I can't believe you'd say that to me"

"Bye Demi" he said rolling his eyes.

He walked out. This time I let him.
I've never hated myself so much.

I screamed and started violently punching the pillow laid on the hospital bed. I cried so much I couldn't breathe. I calmed down, took off my blue gown that Wilmer put on and then the doctor eventually came back.

/sorry it's so depressing, it gets happier, promise.

-heyyyy
Sorry I've been gone for so long, my Granny who's looked after me all my life recently passed and I just haven't felt motivated. Hopefully my motivation will come back. :))
Comment, like and follow me please.

Kat x