LifeStyles

Forty-Six

Chapter dedicated to @TKSeven because it is your writing of powerful, protective and loving speeches that inspired this chapter x

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Enjoy the YouTube link above! Song is also perfect for this chapter.

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Harry's POV

As I reach the house all my earlier inadequacy has dwindled away and a renewed determination prevails within me once again.

Despite my vast experience of meeting different people and handling a variety of situations, I often have wobbles of doubt about myself. Usually they occur on tour, somewhere in the limbo between final sound check and show time. That pocket of time where I am restlessly chomping at the bit to get out there and perform but frustratingly having to rein myself in, knowing it is not quite time to be firing on all cylinders yet. These two extremes pique anxious tendencies in me.

Even when I am in the depths of a stadium and far away from the stage, I instantaneously know when the doors open and the venue is streaming with fans because I can literally smell the electric charge that fills the air. Behind the scenes is no different.  A hive of boisterous energy ramps up with everyone scurrying around and completing their last minute checks before the band go 'live'.

I often wander around backstage soaking up the atmosphere and to appreciate all of the hard work put in by the tour team for me and the other three lads.  To show my indebtedness I often get my hands dirty, so to speak, by running cable, pushing buttons as instructed on the technical desk or stirring soup and chopping salad in Sarah's Kitchen Catering.  The enormity of it all smacks me right in the gut every time and this is when the wobble occurs. 

The wobble has almost become a necessary part of my pre-show ritual.  It serves as a reminder to me to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground, my head out of the clouds and my heart thankful and humble.  The one time last year in San Diego when I didn't wobble the show didn't run so smooth and I fell arse over tit in front of 60,000 fans! 

During the first tour it could take me quite a while to placate myself but over time maturity has slowly eased self-doubt and now as little as five minutes out helps me to refocus.  When the lights come up and I see the splendor of a packed stadium laid out in front of me, all doubt immediately disappears, the adrenaline kicks in and I turn it on, every time.

I step apprehensively through the doors and into the conservatory but I stop in my tracks. I notice Robert and Angela are the only ones in the kitchen.  They are holding each other in an embrace before she pulls away, resting both her hands on his upper arms and looking up at him.

"Robert, please try and go easier on Harry, this is not his fault." Her voice is soothing and her fingers clasp tighter against this arms as though to reiterate her meaning.

He lets out a resounding sigh and closes his eyes before opening them again straight into hers. His voice is low as his thumb brushes gently against her cheek. "I know that, I don't mean to, I just feel hurt that she didn't trust us enough to tell us about him."

"That's not the case and you know it. I told you I had mentioned to her about there being someone special. She would have told us in her own time. Remember what Harry said about the way she speaks so fondly about us. You have to let this hurt go, it isn't helping." Angela is almost lovingly pleading with him.

Not wishing to pry any longer than is necessary, I clear my throat and both of them slowly pull apart and glance over towards me.

"Oh Harry there you are, I was just coming to find you, are you okay?" Angela questions sympathetically.