LifeStyles

Fifty-One

Two automatic doors slide open flooding the brilliance of the summer's day over me.  Such is the length of time since I have basked in daylight proper that the bright glare temporarily blinds me and I squint my eyes closed.  However, I savour the July sun as its warmth swirls comfortingly around me, mixing with the smell of melting tarmac and sounds of everyday hospital toing and froing that fill the air.  It is not as overwhelming as I worried it might be.  My restraints have finally snapped open and I am back in the real world again.  It all brings a small smile to grace my lips.

Behind my eyelids the snug warm feeling is suddenly replaced by a chilly shadowing that sends a shiver through my body.  I look up and notice the daylight is now obscured by the concrete car park.  Cars.  As we approach Dad's my grip on the metal sides of the wheelchair tightens until the familiar numbness streaks through my fingers forcing shooting pains up my arms. 

"Here we are.  Do you need any help getting in the car Lily?"  Dad asks totally unaware of my predicament. 

Unmoving, my eyes are watery wide and nostrils flare as I fix my stare upon the car. 

"Lily?"  Dad questions. 

My whole body sinks down small into the chair.  Immediately Dad falls to his knees beside me and his hand is over mine, coaxing my tight grip off the metal.

"Sweetheart, look at me."  My top teeth bite down hard into my bottom lip that quivers as I shift my gaze to his.  He physically jolts his head back at the sight of the sheer apprehension that I can feel inside and must be visibly displaying across my face. 

"It's all going to be alright.  I promise I will drive carefully."  He nods reassuringly taking my hand in his and muttering he should have brought mum with him.  

"Yes."  I choke out.  The fear prevalent within me at getting back into the confines of a vehicle is something I had not even considered but here, face to face with one, I am terrified.  "Do you mind if I sit in the back though?"  I puff the words out anxiously from my lips. 

"Of course not, let me help you."  Dad assists me getting into the back of the car to sit behind the passenger seat.  My hands are shaking so fiercely he secures my seatbelt across my body.  The tight restraint instantly feels 'safe' but also uncomfortable, pressing into the bruises across my chest.  Dad gently shuts my door then moving to the front slides the passenger seat right forward so I have plenty of legroom.  He pauses then pokes his head around the front seat headrest to check on me.  "Ok?" 

"Yes, thanks Dad."  I offer him a half smile.  

I sense a measured urgency in him as he jogs round to the driver's side, jumps in and immediately starts the engine, wasting no time in pulling out of the space and exiting the car park slowly as he promised.  As we emerge, the darkness of the structure is distinguished and replaced by a stream summery light from the sun once again.  I rest my head back against the headrest and look out of the window as the familiar town passes by.

"Lily, you feeling ok?"  Dad looks round to ask as we wait at the red light for it to go green.

"Yes thanks."  I nod.  "Actually, would you mind if we don't go straight home?  I've been cooped up for weeks and it's so nice to see the outside world again."

"Sure, well I had some grocery bits and bobs I promised your mum I'd pick up.  I was going to do it this afternoon but could get them now.  You could grab a coffee in the café whilst I shop."

I return his smile in agreement.  "Sounds great Dad, thank you."

He drives into the superstore car park and manages to secure a space near the door.  He helps me out and onto my crutches and I hobble into the busy café.  Grabbing a just vacated seat at a table in the window, Dad orders me a large latte and an almond pastry and says he will be about half an hour but to call him on his mobile immediately if I need him, I feel unwell or begin to get tired.