- November 2013

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h a e n a

"They have the uncanny knack for making each other miserable."

Those words were etched through my head. It was such a deep line.

Maybe he's right.

Taehyung wasn't a good guy after all.

He hurt me.

He used me.

He hated me.

And the worst part wasn't losing him.

It was losing me.

My days didn't get any better after he left me. He left me for another girl. I didn't eat. I hated the sight of sunshine. The sun never met me. It was a dark and lonely life.

"You know that I've always been this kind of guy."

"I pretended to be innocent but I was always dirty behind your back."

"We're not even gonna get married, what love?"

"You're just a toy that was in last season."

I'm sick of the same words everytime. We got more and more careless. Eventually Taehyung's demons took over.

And I couldn't think about anyone except Jungkook.

I don't know how or why, but he just appears on my thoughts and dreams. My heart felt safe with his caress. But Jungkook was nowhere.

He wouldn't come back.

After all, I pushed him away.

Dear Jungkook,
I'm sorry I pushed you away.
That's what I do when I'm afraid.

Look at me right now. Torn and broke.

This is how Jungkook felt when I forgot him.

When I lost him.

And now, I bet if he sees me like this, he'd be laughing his face off.

I deserve it.

;;

I don't know how I would face Jungkook.

I feel so embarassed. I defended a guy who doesn't deserve any of me.

I defended Taehyung to him.

But what did he do? He left.

My life is a mess.

And I knew only Jungkook could fix that. But how? We don't even know each other anymore. It was like, he fully recovered and forgot me.

But no. I realized I shouldn't disturb his peaceful life now. After all that I've done to him. He deserves a better life without me.

Karma is real.

And it's coming to me.


;;

I helplessly looked around looking for his figure.

But he was nowhere to be found.

I saw his family gathering together, but he wasn't one of them.

And I knew he wasn't here.

I felt another pang of pain in my heart as the feeling of overwhelming agony rise inside me.

He wasn't there for me anymore.

He was gone.


;;

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