5437 |l.h

• F O U R •

F O U R
Brown eyes

I don't know how I managed to go back home but I did. When I opened the front door and saw Mike and Ash drinking on the couch I knew that somehow I'd be fine.

"Hey" Ashton said first and hurried to hug me

"Hi" I shrink inside his hug trying to forget about this entire Luke mess

"How did that talk go?" Ash asks bringing me to the couch and wrapping his arm around me, Mike squeezes my hand next to me

"Just as I expected" I look down "A total disaster" I sigh "Every now and then you guys can update him on the baby but I do not wish to talk to him in a while"

They nod and we stay in silence until Mike breaks it with his sweet voice

"You can't hide forever, honey"

"I know" I lick my lips "I'm just giving myself a break"

We stay in the couch watching whatever in tv until we all fell asleep. No one moved, this felt like home for the first time.

When morning came and I got up from the couch my back was aching from the uncomfortable position. I watched Mike sleeping clumsily on the armchair and Ashton with his face pressed against the carpet. I rubbed my hand against my belly feeling the small bump. A smile cracked from my lips as I imagined myself holding this child.

I want it to be a boy. A little blonde lanky boy with the brightest blue eyes the Earth will ever see. I want this baby to be 100% Luke. His eyes, his smile, his dimples and his hair. I want it to be brilliant and outgoing like him. I hope that wishing this baby has nothing from me doesn't make me a bad mom.

In fact, I think it'll make me the best mom ever. No baby should inherit my sadness. Even though I cannot look into Luke's eyes or just pronounce his name, I do wish to see him in this baby that I'll hold in 7 months. Everything that he represents makes me happy, I know we do not stand on the best of the positions right now, but I will always remember him as my first true love that owns the purest heart and the kindest soul.

I know we have been through good times and bad, I still feel the bad ringing see water from my bones, but the good ones make me float above the surface.

My memorie brings me back to the way I left. On how I planted a bandaid in my heart and left without looking back. Half of me knows it wasn't wise to do so, but the other half thanks me for doing my best to survive.

[...]

"Liza?" Mike knocks on my bedroom door

I shout him saying he can come in

"Come on, I have a surprise" he says holding my hand and dragging me out of the bedroom

"Wait! Where are we going?" I say grabbing a sweater from the couch before we head to the door

"If I tell you it won't be a surprise, dummie" he laughs and pokes my cheek

We leave the apartment and I see two big boxes on the hallway.

"Ta-da!" He points to the boxes with a huge smile

"What is it?" I ask curiously while he opens the cardboard boxes