If the Fates Allow

2:30pm, St. Timothy's Cemetery

Maxie was vaguely aware that it was snowing. She had been sitting at Georgie's grave for almost an hour now, oblivious to the cold wind and darkening sky, waiting for something or someone to show her the way. She needed some serious guidance right about now, she thought staring at the snowflakes as they fell on the ground.

Patrick had called Elizabeth Webber and asked about Nathan for her. According to Elizabeth, Nathan had been treated for a minor scratch and released hours ago. No gunshot, no imminent danger to him whatsoever. She should have been relieved. She should have run out of that church and straight to Nathan. But she didn't. She was still immobilized with fear and now shame that she didn't have the strength to be there for him.

She told Patrick she was heading home and left him after lighting a candle for his son. Once outside, Maxie turned towards the cemetery without thinking and found herself standing in front of her sister's grave. Georgie Jones was always the one who knew what to do. Maxie had relied on her wisdom on more than one occasion when she was alive and even after she had died.

"Georgie, I'm here," she said dropping to her knees. "And I need your help." But Georgie refused to help. No matter how much Maxie prayed or begged, Georgie's wisdom eluded her completely. She wouldn't give up though; Georgie always came through for her. She simply had to wait a little longer. She closed her eyes briefly making one last wish.

"Maxie, go back inside. You're freezing."

Maxie's eyes flew open and she sighed with relief. "Georgie. I've been waiting for you. I need you."

"No, you don't. You're fine. Cold, but fine," Georgie's spirit said in that reasonable way she always had.

"But I do need you. I'm scared and I need you to tell me what to do!" Georgie's spirit raised an eyebrow at her. "Come on. You always show up when I think I've got everything figured out and you tell me what I'm doing wrong. Why can't you help me right now when I have no idea what I'm supposed to do about anything!"

"Fine. Tell me your problem."

"Thank you. It's Nathan. He's this wonderful, sweet, attractive man that I met last year after the mess with Spinelli. Georgie, you would like him a lot," Maxie said with an air of wistfulness. "He's so practical like you are and thoughtful. He's always thinking of everyone else besides himself. I mean just the things he's done for me would amaze you!"

"You mean like how he managed to convince Spinelli to bring your daughter for a visit and then left so there wouldn't be any problems with that judge?"

"Yes! Exactly like that. I really like him Georgie. A lot." Maxie fell silent thinking about what she had just said realizing with a start it wasn't the whole truth.

She did like Nathan, they had started as friends after all, but somewhere along the way her feelings had shifted. She couldn't place the moment exactly. It might have been when he covered for her with Judge Walters that first time or it might have been over the Fourth of July when they were handcuffed together. She didn't know. But one moment, they were friends and the next they were more than friends. Her world, that had been off kilter since losing custody, slid slightly to the middle and centered itself thanks to Nathan.

"I like him and more," she said after a moment. "He has put up with so much from me the last seven or eight months. And he's never given up on me once."

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem is that the moment he needed me, I flaked out like I always do. I went to see him this morning to thank him for Christmas Eve but he wasn't there. I was waiting for him and then his crazy mother showed up and we got into an argument. But then this cop interrupted us and told us that Nathan was taken to the hospital for a gunshot wound which it turns out wasn't true at all. But I didn't know that then! I should have gone to the hospital, Georgie, but I didn't. I was afraid....so I ended up here."

"What are you afraid of?"

A hot tear slid down her cheek. "I am so afraid that I will lose him just like I've lost everyone else. I lost you and Jesse and Coop. In a way, I lost Spinelli and my baby, I'm not strong enough to lose Nathan too. I can't do it. Besides, he deserves to have someone who stands up for him and supports him. Look at me. I can't even show up when he needs me the most. I don't deserve him but I don't want to lose him either." She swiped at a tear and looked up at the sky.

"Have you asked yourself why that is?"

Maxie closed her eyes, squeezing back the tears. She didn't have to ask herself why. She knew perfectly well why she didn't want to lose Nathan. In the year since they had met, Nathan had become more than just a friend to her and more than a passing attraction. She could tell him things that she found difficult to put into words with Lulu. He listened to her and he never made her think her thoughts were stupid. She missed him when he wasn't around and when he was, she felt calm and centered. Knowing how she felt didn't stop the fear though. It only intensified it.

"Because I care about him," Maxie murmured. "Because I-" She stopped herself unable to say the words out loud. Instead she said firmly, "Because I want him."

"I think I'm done here."

Maxie's eyes snapped back open. "What? No! Georgie you haven't told me what to do!"

"Maxie, I love you. But I did. I told you to go back inside the church. You're cold."

She was gone. As suddenly as she had appeared for Maxie, Georgie's spirit was gone leaving her without the advice she craved. Still, Georgie was right about one thing. The snow was beginning to fall heavier now and Maxie was shivering. She got to her feet, glad that she had thought to wear boots but regretting going for fashion over warmth where her coat was concerned. What had she done with Nathan's coat? That would come in handy right now, Maxie thought trying to remember where she had left it. She had a fleeting memory of laying it on the pew while Patrick spoke on the phone. It was still there, of course.

She hurried through the swirling snow back to the church. Once there, she stepped into the warmth of the foyer pausing only long enough to close the door against the wind. She saw him as he turned to see who had entered the church. He stood near the altar, his coat in hand. As their eyes locked, the look of worry in his eyes slipped away replaced by a smile of relief.

"Nathan?"