I Need You

Part 9

Lindsey didn't know if he should go to Stevie or leave her alone, after Michael very obviously left. He knew her, he knew she would either want him to stay and hold her, and tell her everything will be okay or the opposite - she would scream at him, make it all somehow be his fault and swear not to ever want to see him again.

Thankfully, she made the decision herself, returning to the bedroom, looking as if she had seen a ghost. He expected her to be crying, but she wasn't, coming into the room, sitting down on the bed. Her silence was making him uncomfortable, but he didn't know how to approach her either.

"Do you think I'm a bad mother?"

Lindsey didn't see that coming. Walking to sit beside her, he put one arm around her shoulders, pulling closer. "Of course I don't, Stevie. Neither is it true."

"Michael thinks so."

"I'm sure he didn't mean what he said, he just got angry. He can't take the girls away from you, even if he wanted to, there's simply no reason for that."

"He said I'm never there for them anyway... Besides, now he can throw in the fact I'm having an affair, I doubt that will go down well with any judge."

"You've already both signed the papers, Stevie. You're headed towards separation as it is and affairs do not go into consideration of who get custody of the children."

"I don't want to lose them. I love them." She said quietly, looking up, making Lindsey think he had never seen her so sad. 

After his best attempt at calming her fears down, Stevie started rubbing her hands together nervously. She had a thought, but she didn't know how Lindsey would react to it...

"Maybe, um... maybe we should keep our distance from each other for some time. Michael is right, I haven't been spending a lot of time with the girls and I need to reconnect with them, however crazy that sounds. I also need to make him see that I do want to be a part of their lives."

Sighing heavily, Lindsey somehow knew they might be heading towards this. He shrugged his shoulders, facing her. He really couldn't say no to that, even if he wanted nothing more but to be with Stevie, he couldn't act this selfish in this case. 

"Sure, whatever you think is best."

"You're not just saying that, are you?"

"Well... I love you, Steph, you know that and we've found our way back to each other, and being away from you is the last thing I want, but it's not some stupid project we're talking about here, it's your daughters, so no. I'm not just saying that."

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me." He smiled a little, pressing a kiss to her temple as they spent a few more minutes together, before Lindsey knew he had to go.

Driving back to his family, Lindsey realized there was no turning back. He was back in that place, where he could only think about Stevie. Of course, taking any steps to be with her would hurt a lot of people, but he just couldn't take much more of his current life. Sure, Kristen would be mad at him, his kids might not talk to him for a while, but why was he supposed to stay in a loveless marriage, when there was a woman, he could do absolutely anything for.

Lindsey was glad Kristen wasn't home, when he came back. He still had some time to get his thoughts together, how to tell her about his true feelings and intentions. Obviously, there was no easy way when it came to walking away from something, you had spent years on building. But he wasn't going to back out either.

Kristen arrived home hours later, surprised to see Lindsey, as he had been staying at that condo of his for a lot longer than he originally said he would. A smile on her face, she came up to greet him as any loving wife would, but she instantly noticed, he really didn't want that.

"Well, hi."

"Hey." Lindsey said. 

"I didn't know you were coming home today."

"Yeah, it's not for long."

"Oh..."

"Can we talk?"

That made her feel uneasy, but she nodded, sitting down next to him, leaving a big gap between them. She couldn't say, she didn't have a feeling, that some sort of talk between them was definitely coming up, she just didn't know how serious it was going to be.

"I don't want to drag this out longer than it's necessary, Kristen." Lindsey was already looking apologetic. "I wanted to explain to you, why I've been so absent first, though. I... I went to see a doctor, I had a health scare and I didn't want to be around you all miserable, I wanted to know what it was for sure. I did however, confide in the one person I knew would always be there for me, support and understand me."

"Stevie." Kristen said, she wasn't that stupid or blind as some people might think.

"Yes and... that whole thing made me realize what's really important to me. I know this isn't easy for you to hear, but Stevie is important to me."

"Oh my God, Lindsey, you're not actually telling me that you and her..."

"I'm in love with her. I've bottled it up for too many years, but I can't for much longer. Not anymore, especially when I know now how easily it could all disappear."

"You can't be serious." Kristen shook her head, looking at him wide eyed.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? What does that even mean?"

"It means that I'm sorry I made you believe in us. I'm sorry that I want to be with her."

"Lindsey, you're not leaving, are you?"

Before he could answer, Stella, having heard most of the conversation, not really understanding of course, walked into the room, looking at him. "Where are you going to, Daddy?"

His throat closed up, as he just couldn't get any words out, staring at his youngest daughter...