chapter twelve

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chapter twelve

Blue wasn't at the field before I came this time. I was sitting on the blanket, peering forward when I could hear his footsteps behind me. He sat down and I looked over at him, finding that he was wearing a pair of sweat pants and a light weight hoodie. I craned my head to the side, finding that he looked as though he was in his pajamas. I didn't even bother with wearing pajamas, I often just changed out of my clothes into something that was softer and looser and seeing that he was in casual sleep clothes intrigued me.

"Do you have insomnia?"

I flinched, wondering why I had spoken again, wondering if I had crossed the line again. I looked at him and he flickered his eyes up at the stars before he turned his head towards me. I wondered if this was the moment that he would speak and that I would be allowed to hear his voice, but alas it wasn't the time yet.

He nodded his head and I smiled some before I looked up at the stars. "I have insomnia too. Since the summer before sophomore year. I had a panic attack...and my mind won't shut off anymore. I'm afraid of the real world...of graduating and not being able to fulfill my dream..."

I didn't know why I was telling him this, but I felt as though he would keep my words to himself. And turning my head towards him he looked at me with curious eyes and I looked down, as though knowing that he was wondering what my dream would be. I blushed and bit my lip before looking up and finding that he was still waiting.

"I want to be a professional artist, one who can make a living off of her artwork. I kind of want to move to New York...discover myself and actually have an art show exhibit and be recognized. I won't find my dream here," I continued and I looked over at him, and found that he was looking away for a moment, as though he was thinking of something too.

I turned my head away and leaned back against the blanket and looked up at the stars. I turned my head towards him again when he laid down on the blanket and I smiled at him, "thanks for listening, and not leaving. Too many people come and go, that I'm so used to being abandoned. I know we're not friends...but still...it's nice to be in the company of someone that I can feel the same vibe from..."

Blue smiled a breathtaking smile that took my heart away, one that made me know that he felt the same about this and I felt confident in pursuing a friendship with Blue. Little did I know that inside my heart and inside of my soul I wanted something more with him...and it was calling out to him to see if he would answer in the end. I didn't expect though for it to be answered.

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