Infatuation (Camren)

seven

"Pick me, and only me, or get out of my house." she said, suprised at how firm she sounded, despite the fact that her insides were quaking. She wasn't going to let Camila walk away when the time came and cause her to cry. She was beating her to the punchline.

Camila stared dumbfounded at her for a few seconds, and then blinked heavily, shaking her head. "Lauren, you knew what this was, I mean, I-I-I care about you, you know I do, but I just can't...I mean... Lauren y-you're the one who...I mean this was an affair...Are you saying you want to end it?" she looked at Lauren where she sat across the room on her dark bedspread hoping that she'd only had a momentary lapse and would forget her previous statement.

Lauren swallowed hard. Camila had yet to directly answer her question, but she realized with a horrifying sinking feeling that she had just gotten her answer. Lauren had asked her to choose her over Ariana, and Camila had replied,

"Are you saying you want to end it?"

What she was really saying when she asked this was that if she was going to make her choose, then she was going to choose to end things with her.

"I want to end the hiding. I don't want to end us." Lauren said softly, "I want a relationship with you."

"We have a relationship." Camila argued.

"I want a steady, exclusive relationship." Lauren said, looking her directly in the eyes, "I want to be the only one you kiss. I want to be the only one you want to kiss. And I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want, instead of running around secretly. I want you to call me for check-ins and I want you to tell me you love me. Not her." Lauren chose not to say Ariana's name, knowing it would hurt too much if Camila left in a second, knowing it would be because she wanted to be with her.

Camila was silent for a moment that felt like an eternity. She licked her lips before biting the bottom one. Her expression was pained. She looked down at the palms of her hands, opening them up to her eyes. She looked back up at the raven haired beauty sitting amongst the sheets, her raven haired beauty the past few weeks, and still hers now if she decided to break up with her girlfriend for her. She sighed loudly, and walked towards the bed.

Lauren looked up at her in wonder as she stopped in front of her. Camila brushed some hair behind her ear, and cupped her hands around her face. She held her face and looked at it for what seemed like forever, looking deep into her emerald green eyes.

She finally leaned down to kiss her ever so softly, their lips touching briefly in a sweet embrace. She finally rested her forehead against Lauren's. Lauren smiled, both their eyes closed, feeling safe in her arms, and relieved.

"I'm sorry Lauren." Camila murmured softly.

Lauren's face crumpled as she registered the weight of her words. The bitch! She had completely misread this kiss, had thought of it as the beginning of something new and wonderful, but it was...an ending. She was leaving her. She wouldn't choose her. In those three words she had chosen that brown eyed beauty over the green eyed one in her arms.

In those three words, Camila had ended all hope of her saying another three worded phrase Lauren had longed so desperately to hear her say to her for so long.

"What?" Lauren croaked, pulling back, her devastated expression having completely given way to tears. Sobs began to come uncontrollably, a strong fear of hers coming true; She was crying in front of Camila. But she was at a point beyond caring by now. If she had to put down her defenses for Camila to see how truly helpless she was, how badly she honestly needed her, albeit.

She had to keep herself from shouting, "Don't leave me!" at her amidst the sobs that now choked and gagged her, and blurred her vision, mascara seeping in and burning at her eyeballs. She wouldn't say that. She was Lauren fucking Jauregui, and if nothing else, she had dignity. Love, friendship, happiness, these things were inconsistent for any human being, but Lauren always had her pride.