Millionaires (A The Script FanFic)

Chapter 26- Miserable Now

Chapter 26- Miserable Now

*Amber’s POV*

Why does it have to be so complicated? Why do I keep doing it even when I know how it will end? What the fuck is wrong with me?! I know I will get hurt, yet here I am again, letting my heart control my head. My mother was the same, she always took him back, she didn’t care what he did to her, or to me; she always took him back. I know I need to learn, I need to give myself a good slap and stop myself living in a fantasy. I can’t end up like her, I can’t. Lee killed her, I know he did, I can’t end up like her, I can’t. But then again, Dan isn’t Lee…Dan is Dan, he is different. He can be violent and sometimes I am so scared, shit he can scare me, but sometimes…sometimes he is so sweet, so funny and so kind and I love him even though I know I shouldn’t.

I can feel tears tickling my eyes, trying to escape but I can’t allow them. I pull the duvet tight around me, and roll over. But then what about Rory? How do I feel about him? I don’t know why I am asking myself this, it will only make me more confused. But then, I guess Rory I different, I see him more…more as a brother? I don’t know, Rory I feel responsible for, I feel I should protect him. I care about him, I love him, but not like I love Dan. Last night, he was so…just so. I can’t describe it, that feeling right in the heart of me, when he talks, when he laughs, when he smiles, it’s insane. I roll back over and prop myself up on my elbow, looking down on him. He looks so innocent in sleep, so relaxed and calm. But I know he is not always like this...and I know that if he has his way, he will kill Autumn, and now, Rory as well. I know he thinks I know something and when he finds out I don’t know what he will do to me. I sigh. It’s the whole Nancy and Bill complex, isn’t it? I’m his Nancy and he is my Bill Sikes; I just hope my story will have a different ending.

I slip out from under the bed sheets and quietly go over to a chair on the far side of the room. My guitar lies there and I pick it up, resting it on my lap, shielding my naked body. I run my fingers over the strings and look up at Dan with a sad smile as I being to play.

“You only know what I want you to
an’ I know everything you don't want me to
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
an’ you think your dreams are the same as mine

Oh I don't love you but I always will
No I don't love you but I always will
I don't love you but I always will
I always will

An’ I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
But the less you give the more you get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
And I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you

Oh I don't love you but I always will
No I don't love you but I always will
I don't love you but I always will
No I don't love you but I always will
I don't love you but I always will
I don't love you but I always will
I don't love you but I always will
I always will
I always will
I always will
I always will
I always will”

I wipe the tears away quickly; why am I crying? It’s pathetic. But no matter how pathetic I tell myself I am being I can’t stop, the tears just keep coming. I can’t work out if they are tears of sorrow or not, I think they are more tears of confusion. I look back at the bed and sigh; I need to watch Oliver Twist again…maybe Dickens will tell me what to do.