Extinguisher (A Sequel to Firefighter)

Chapter 83

Chapter 83 Extinguisher

Alexa's POV

I ran my hands along his knuckles, my head resting on his chest as my lips pressed continuous kisses against the feverish skin at the base of his neck. He was so warm and it felt nice to lie in bed with his long arms around me, Aero curled up on my other side.

"This feels so good...just having you here in my arms. I know we've been...different lately. We've been a little off but you do know that I still love you very much. You know that, don't you Lex?"

"Of course. You know that I still love you too, right?"

He nodded, fingers brushing some hair out of my face as he slid out from under me so that his body could face mine. I felt comfortable with Noah, feeling calmer when he was around, but I didn't feel like we were right. We were off and both of us recognized that. Sometimes Noah was distant and I could just see his wheels turning but then every time I'd bring it up, he didn't want to talk, just assuring that everything was fine with us.

At one point, I knew I'd follow Noah anywhere but we hadn't really talked about him graduating and all I knew was that he mentioned wanting to go to Seattle with Luke. The thing is; I knew that that's where Meg was probably going and I didn't know why Noah insisted on keeping things from me. A few nights back, I'd seen some flirty text messages to Meg on his phone and I don't know why, but I wasn't mad. Maybe I should have been mad and ready to scream his head off, but I couldn't. The only thing I wanted to do was what I knew was right; letting him be with her. I knew she was the kind of girl someone like Noah deserved and I was the reason they broke up in the first place. I'd be kidding myself if I said I felt worthy of Noah. I guess what both of us were doing was waiting...waiting for graduation so that we could see if there was even a tiny sliver of hope for making us work.

"Stop it, Lex."

"Stop what?"

"Thinking." He whispered, fingers running through my waves that were getting longer every day.

I sighed, hooking my leg around is and pressing my hand to his firm chest. I knew that I didn't want to lose him but I was doing everything I could to enjoy the time that we had left, to enjoy however much time we had left. Every day I woke and just wondered if that was the day we would end, if he'd finally had enough.

"Please stop, Lex."

"I'm not doing anything. Yes, I'm thinking but I'm always thinking. We don't talk and maybe we need to talk."

"Talk about what, Lex?" he asked me as if he was talking to a small child, sighing after the words were expelled.

"Us. I know that you are always saying I'm crazy to worry but I think both of us know that's not true. We haven't talked about college. I don't know what's going on with you. We are not like we used to be Noah and I love you more than anything in this world. I would die right now to protect you. I love you so much, No, and I don't want this to end. I'm trying to preserve what we have."

"Lex, I don't want to talk because nothing is wrong. I've told you this."

"But you're lying." I detached my body from his, rolling off the mattress to stand up.

I watched Noah scoot up on the mattress, leaning against the headboard while his hands tugged on his roots. It always seemed to be this way, him not opening up and neither of us talking about what really mattered, what was really wrong between us.

"I'm tired, Lex. I'm tired of this. I'm so worn out and I don't know how much I can take. Since you cut yourself, I know we're not the same...but maybe I can't help it, Lex. I keep thinking that you're going to keep getting worse. I can't protect you anymore when you don't even care about your own wellbeing. I want to forgive you...I'm trying to forgive you because there's nobody in this world I'd rather spend the rest of my life with."